Oh There's No Place Like Home (for the holidays)

   Well the Christmas holiday is over, but there is still so much left to celebrate. It has been so much fun just being home with my family these last few days. I have been SO lazy, and I feel like I have probably gained a few unwanted pounds. I always tell myself, 'Kels, you're going to be better this break and no over-indulged too much' but that thought never comes to fruition. I have been ultra lazy (sorry mom) and have been sleeping in till 10:30 almost every day this week. I have also been staying up late catching up on books I've been wanting to read since the summer, and movies or television shows that I missed due to the hectic life of a Junior in college. It has been really fun talking to missed old, and good friends of mine, and learning again what an important thing my family is to me.
   We have had a lot of celebrations here at the Clayton home. We have been doing our Ballard family Christmas party, the Mo-tab Christmas concert and the first presidency devotional (two of my favorite things about Christmas). We have had the family over to celebrate Christmas eve and Christmas day. We have given out our neighborhood gifts, and seen movies and all the wonderful times of EATING with the family. I have thouroughly enjoyed so much of this break, and lucky for me I still have a week left to relax and enjoy the stress-free life of my family here in Sandy.
   As we are approaching a new year, and for me the beginning of so much adventure, I wanted to take some time to reflect on the blessings I have received this year. It has been an amazing 2010, and I'm definitely looking forward to 2011.
 1.) My parents received a call to serve as mission presidents in ??? and are leaving at the end of June. Now at first, I thought that this wasn't a blessing, but a very sad and lonely step backward for me. No mom or dad to comfort me during my last year (ish) of college? No dad to take care of me (financially and otherwise) whom I can just drive home to in a few minutes? What if he's not their for my wedding?? How sad would I be... Etc. Etc. Etc.   BUT. This was truly an answer to my prayers. One of my best friends, Brandi, left on her mission in August, and when she was preparing to leave, I had a strong impression that I should start preparing myself to do the same. This was confusing to me, because I had so much more I wanted to do, and didn't every truly think I'd serve a mission... well needless to say, I will now have the opportunity to serve, but not in the way that tradition may have a girl of 21 serve. I will be able to go out into the field with my parents, and be of service to them and the missionaries for a few months (July and August) until school starts back up in the fall.  If I feel it is right to stay longer, than I will, and what a blessing that would be to me as well.
  2.) My brother got married this year to a wonderful girl. We have been falling in love with little Mrs. Ashley Clayton.  What a blessing she has been to our lives, and to the life of my brother. He is so happy, and so willing to help out. He has been anxious to provide, and has really grown into a man. That was definitely an exciting part of 2010.
  3.) I got the chance again to room with 3 wonderful girls, who I will never ever forget, and will always love. They are my best friends, and are such a blessing to me. They have been there for me through the thick and thin, and they make me feel like I am of worth. What a wonderful group of girls, and I'm excited to jump right in to a new semester with them around. Hopefully, next fall we will again be able to room, but there my be some changes, and that is kind of sad. However, we are growing up together and loving the experiences we are lucky to have.
  4.) I have had 4 jobs this year! I worked at bath and body works (I quit that in October), I have worked as a TA for a fantastic (really, I got so lucky to be his TA this year... he is the dean of the Health department, and also my stake president... who'da thunk.) I got a new job working for a software company (totally not my thing, but it pays well and is only about 6-10 hours a week), and I was able to coach a few lacrosse clinics (that was a highlight of my summer as well!) How lucky am I in this economy to have never been without a job.
  5.) All my guy friends from high school who were a year older than me came home from their missions, and were able to live in Provo with me, just across the street in a fun complex down there. I has been so much fun to be able to live by close friends who I know I can turn to when I need help or guidance or whatever else it may be. One of them is getting married in March, so that is crazy, but we are all very excited for him, and I think some of the boys are even very jealous of him ha ha... ;)
  6.) I have amazing friends who are serving missions all over the world, and they are a constant blessing, and help to me. I am so grateful for the work they are doing, and that my relationships with their families are still there. I miss them all very much, and am excited for the day when all my friends can be back!!!
  7.) I was able to run a 1/2 marathon with my sister and three of my very good friends down in St. George. For them, it was their first time running in a long race, but for me it was hardly even a challenge, meaning, I should probably up my game and do a marathon, but I'll have to wait till fall of 2011 to do that one I think... ;) I am so proud of Katie, and all that she has done this year. What a wonderful example of selfless love and sacrifice she is. I love that girl!!
  8.) I got accepted into the study abroad program (listed below) for the spring of 2011.. What a dream come true!
  9.) My lacrosse team went to the national championship this summer, an experience I may never have again, and am so grateful I got to be an active part in. I really hope I never loose the memories of that week in Arizona. For one of the first times in my life I felt like a true athlete, and that was really a great feeling. Also, we won our regional championship tournament by one point in the last two minutes of the game, and so this year (2011) we get to host it! First time in our franchise history that has happened.
  10.) I traveled a lot this year! I had been to California, Colorado, St. George, St. Louis, Arizona, Park City (okay, so not a destination really, but a vacation for sure), and Hawaii! The same will be said of 2011 except just throw in Italy, France, and England... also a spanish speaking mission and that'll about cover it... :)

I know there are a whole host of other things that happened to me this year, but I am so grateful that I was able to be there. I have had a lot of trials, but I have learned so much from them. I have dated a few boys, and learned a lot about myself and relationships. I have strengthened friendships, and learned to not be as judgmental of people. I have been cavity free for over 3 years no (knock on wood ha ha), I have an amazing family who just keeps on growing and loving and learning right along with me. I have taken steps forward into the unknown, and had to trust my faith in our father in heaven through it all.

I am so grateful for the gospel. I know it is true. With it I have everything I need and more, and I can not wait until the time comes when I can share that knowledge with people in a foreign (or at least different) land. 2010 has been great, but I have a feeling that 2011 will be even better.

Europe.

"Ever since I was a little girl, and my family hosted an exchange student from France, I have longed to experience first hand the place I know only through textbook pages and lecture slides, Europe. This intriguing part of the world is the home to brilliant masterpieces from classical antiquity to modern abstraction. The European art history study abroad program covers some of the most impactful episodes of art history from the extravagant Sistine Chapel in Rome to the mystical Mona Lisa in Paris. For me, art is fantastic because of its emotional impact. Einstein once said of art, "The most beautiful emotion we can experience is the mysterious… to sense that behind anything that can be experienced there is something that our minds cannot grasp, whose beauty and sublimity reach us only indirectly.” I believe that art holds within it mysteries that each person molds and shapes into their own individual truths. One of my favorite paintings from the Romantic era is of a man looking out from the top of a mountain into a distant and obfuscatory fog. I personally believe that the mountain represents an overcome trial, and the fog represents our uncertain futures. The steps we take to get through the fog of our futures make the difference to our journey through life. This European art history study abroad is my next step, and guided by passionate professors, it will make my long sought after dream come true." - My study abroad application. 

So. Guess what?? THIS DREAM IS GOING TO COME TRUE. I got into the program!!! I am so stinking excited I have just been beaming from ear to ear since I found out yesterday. I was in my sisters house, all alone cleaning, when I read the email. I jumped up and down, shed some tears, screamed and laughed and smiled and smiled... then I called my mom and told everyone in my family. I wish that i could leave tomorrow to go see the sights I have literally been dreaming about for years. It starts April 26 and I leave for Europe May 12 - June 13. I will be spending my 21st birthday in ITALY. Sounds pretty freaking good to me. 

Some of the places we will visit include the ancient ruins of Rome, Vatican Museum, Borghese Palace, Uffizi, Pitti Palace, Venetian Accademia, and Breda in Italy; the National Gallery, British Museum, Victoria and Albert Museum, Tate Galleries, Stourhead and Stonehenge in England; and the Louvre, Chartres, Château de Versailles, Museé d'Orsay, Musée Rodin, Musée Marmottan-Monet, Giverny, and the Centre Pompidou in France. 
   

CAN YOU IMAGINE seeing all of these things (and OODLES more) in person. You know, art back in the day (like the 1800's) was regarded as the 'it' thing like technological advances are the 'it' thing of our day. I'm literally going to go view, experience, and envelop into my soul these amazing masterpieces.  I am literally speechless and so stinking excited. The hard part is going to be coming up with the money... ;) EEEEEKKKKK! I'm so excited! Life is good. Oh and I finished my finals today... I actually ended up doing very well on them. :) 

Take me to a place Far Far away...

Today, I'd rather be anywhere but where I am (in the library). Maybe here for example. Yeah, I think that would be good. 

Some Comforting words

In comforting the Prophet in Liberty Jail, our Lord reminded Joseph Smith that “the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee. . . .

“[But] The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?” ( D&C 122:7, 8 .)

As you ponder what you have had to endure, and contemplate the times when “in the least degree” you suffered the pangs of spiritual loss, remember and reverence Him whom you have covenanted to remember always.

As I was reading my student manual today, I came across this passage, and just was very touched by the words. The last month I have grown close to my Savior, closer maybe than ever before. When i pray i feel of the peace that the atonement can bring. I know that no matter what, I am never alone. I feel instantly better when i think of the Savior and pray to my father in heaven for comfort. I am so grateful for the Atonement. 

Good Ole Henry

   So yesterday, the Harry Potter 7 movie came out. OH my lanta... that is a fantastic movie. I really love the books too, and they just make me so happy. I highly suggest watching the movie, even if you have not seen the movies previous, or read the books, it is just an all around good movie. Here is why...
   1.) The characters are believable. Just like JK Rowling actually wrote them to be. It was so fun to watch the romances, the sadness, the love, the friendship between everyone and Harry potter.
   2.) My friend Adam and I analyzed it, and we decided the JK was trying to get her point across that there should not be segregation or discrimination in the world, because that just stems from evil.
   3.) It was intriging and captivating the whole time.
   4.) Everyone had a good time acting, and all cornyness was pretty much gone.
   5.) IT STAYED true to the book. YAY!
Aside from a weird scene with two ghost images making out (pretty much naked... weird.) the movie was fantastic. I'm going to go see it again.

Also, yesterday I went to the Jazz vs. Spurs game at the ESA and it was so much fun! Whitney and I really had a good time and it was fun just to hang out with her, especially at one of my favorite places in all the world, a Jazz game. They unfortunately lost, but won tonight to make up for it. I guess that this year, they are a good away team, and not as good at home games. We'll see how the rest of the season shapes up. BUt that was my awesome weekend!!! Also, Go cougs... looks like we took all the winning skills of the Utes... :)

My Own Worst Enemy

 I have come to the conclusion that I am my own worst enemy. One day I am so hard on myself, and expect so much of the world, my surroundings, people I associate with etc, and then the next thing I know I am not pushing myself hard enough to be better and am not kind to the people I talk to or whatever it may be.

This week we got an assignment in my New Testament class to pray for opportunities to help people, be it in big or small ways. I got my oil changed on monday and as I was leaving the Jiffy Lube, I saw this cute as ever girl that I know is in my ward walking home from Macey's (about a 1/2 mile from our complex) carrying groceries. I looked at her, and she at me, and then I got in my car and drove away. I SHOULD have offered her a ride back to home, where we both were going, but then I thought... I don't want to be a creeper and maybe she's enjoying the walk. Well, I've been kicking myself in the pants since monday about not doing helping her... when I had this assignment and everything anyways. How unfair was I being? And not Christ- like. See, I believe that God blesses you with experiences that make you think about who you are and what kind of person you want to become. Right then I decided I want to be more of a person like my Savior, or the good samaritan. We've been reading all these quotes from the leaders of our church in that class about how people always need your help, even if it looks like they don't.

My parents are really good examples of this to me. They are always serving others, and giving of their time to others. I joke a lot with my mom about how often she goes out to lunch with her friends, but the reason she does it isn't because she wants the food, but because she knows that these friends of hers need her. She would do anything for anyone. And so would my dad. On monday, I had a lot of financial things happen with my life, and a lot of them my dad usually pays for, so I asked him for all this money at once, told him it really wasn't a big deal (because it wasn't) and that he could just get me the money in a few weeks (when my card needs to be paid off). He put the money in my account not even an hour after I addressed him. See, even though that is a monitary thing, it shows his love for me. And I appreciate him so much. I am so grateful for all that my parents do. They are the best! And such great examples of Christ. I want to be just like them, and am working every day to be that way.

Okay Incriminating picture of all of us.. but it is Hawaii in the background. :) 

Dear School...

  I think that today you are of the devil. So mean. So demanding of my time. Skillfull at making me angry and frustrated. Hum... Weird. I have been doing papers and assignments like crazy these last two days (which is my fault for pretty much taking the weekend off of school because of conference.) Okay... so it was worth it. but still. I feel like I'm being weighed down. Lame.

Lets try to have a better relationship tomorrow okay? Okay. Perfect.

day 15: a song that describes you, day 16: a song that you used to love but now hate, day 17: a song that you hear often on the radio

So, I think that I'm bored with this songs stuff... so here's the rest of the weeks ones and then I'm going to do the ones that I think are sweet after that... ha. So this weeks are...
   A song that describes you... I'm too sexy for my Shirt... Thanks mom!!! But for reals "This is why I'm hot"or "big buts don't lie" probably discribe me the best. But for your listening pleasure I'm going to put up the song, 'Kelsey' by metro station. It's pretty close to perfect. ha.

A song that I used to love but now hate: There are two of them "lucky" by Jason Mraz and "bubbly" by collbie callaite... K these two songs were gems before the radio ruined them... I loved lucky. Vanessa W. Told me all about them like months and months before they hit the radio and got overplayed. Now every time I hear them I think about high school and how often I would hear these songs and think.. man.. if only they weren't popular. Anyways, I still like them... just not when I hear them on the radio. ha!

A song that you hear often on the radio: Um... Lets say... "Hey Soul Sister" by train... so dumb. I loved this song. But EVERY TIME I turn on the radio, I hear this song. It is super annoying. Dang radio.

catch up songs...

I've been lacking in the song posting this last weekendish... I've been a busy girl!

day 11: a song from your favorite band – 

Boys like Girls - me you and my medication

As far as bands go, I really like this band. I know almost every one of their songs, and when they come on my Ipod I get really happy... It's not like I want to change it. Kind of like when any ingrid song comes on my ipod, I just get happy to listen to it. So... This is my favorite of those songs from the one cd of them that I have. 

day 12: a song from a band you hate – The Format- the first single

I used to really like the Format... thought they had a cool sound and stuff... but now I really don't like them at all. They bother me... Everything about them is whinney and annoying... so I pretend to ignore them... unless this song comes on... it's actually a good one from them. 

day 13: a song that is a guilty pleasure – Estelle - American Boys

So the August before I started college I went to Tiawian with my family to visit Kyle's mission... well needless to say we had a LOT of car time so I listened to my ipod a ton. This song would always come up so I decided to learn all the words from it that I could. I do unfortunately know all the words, and therefore it is my guilty pleasure ha. I really do Love it. 

day 14: a song that no one would expect you to love – Muse - Hysteria  

Now this is a good band, but this song is not really my style. I've never been a girl for rock music or hard rock music, but this is a good song and a band that I actually really like.... I've been happy with everything I've ever heard from them... 

Well, Happy wednesday! 

Day 10: A song that makes you fall asleep

   One of my favorite movies of all time is the 6 hour long pride and predjudice. Yes. I have seen it, countless many times. Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy have the best love story of all time. So, when they did the remake I was so excited for it! But... needless to say it was not as good. The music from it however is some of my favorite music! And this song, Dawn, is da bomb. And so easy to fall asleep to. The problem is that it is part of my 'study music' playlist... so I usually fall asleep while reading something... Maybe I should take it off?

Day 9: A song you can dance to

This summer, I found this song and fell in love! I really can't help but sing it out loud and move my hips along to the beat when I hear this song. I went to bear lake with Brandi when she opened up her mission call (she's doing fantastic by the way) and the next day we boated almost the whole day long. I got to choose the tunes, and so when this one came on I just stood up with Brandi and we danced like two little girls would. Oh how I miss her... But this is still a song I can dance to. "King of Anything" by Sara Bareilles. (she got two in a row... lucky).

Day 8: A song that you know all the words to

  This is a recently found LOVE of mine. I have listened to it every day the last few months, and still don't tire. Sara Bareilles just is good. I can't deny it or say differently. She's just the bomb. This song speaks to my soul. And I just love it. "City" by Sara Bareilles

Day 7: A song that reminds you of a certain event

  When I was a Junior in high school, I thought the whole year about who would ask me (if anyone did at all) to the Junior Prom. When it got close to the time of prom in Marchish/ April I had a few possibilities in mind, but not at all the person who asked me. I thought maybe Tanner DeWaal, but then he asked a different girl, so I moved on to Eric Boogaard, but he was anti-dance so he wasn't going to go... I all but exhausted my possibilities and resigned to going with some girlfriends. But. Then I got this rolled up, spanish style letter with a rose tucked between the paper and twine. Oh how romantic. It was Jeff Handy... a sophomore class officer at the time who was a cutie from my ward, and a fun kid to be around. I was a tad bit dissapointed that he was a sophomore, but after a choir trip we took with accapella (which he was a part of) I decided that I was lucky to be asked by him. We went to a sports center in American Fork and played some volleyball, ate some food, did raquetball.. you know, the works. Then he brought me home and I got all dolled up to go to the big dance. Well, we had dinner in Michael Christensen's back yard with probably 11 other couples... We were for sure the stars of the show. I remember feeling like we were the only couple in the room, and just laughing so much at him and me and us. He was a blast to dance with, not embarassed by anything either of us did. You can tell from our pictures of that night that it was pretty much blissful.  I remember thinking that night as we sat down just outside the salt lake library that I could date this kid and it would be fun no matter what.
   Well, we had a summer of ups and downs (wherein I fell in like with about 5 guys... him being one of them) and he just kept asking me on dates... what a guy. We went to a drive in movie one night, (the same night i sang the national anthem at the volleyball game) and we cuddled and laughed the whole time. I thought for sure he would kiss me... but he didn't...
    I don't think I will ever forget the night of my first kiss. Oh... man. It was September 22, 2007. It was the homecoming dance, and I got asked by the one and only, Jeff H. By this time we had been out together plenty of times, and hung out with each other a whole lot so pretty much we knew we wanted to date each other for reals. Now, I'm a traditionalist, so this method of dating was awesome for me... slow and meaningful. That day we went to breakfast at Jeff's house, then to a tumbling gym where again, I felt him and I were the only ones in the place... I would do something funny or amazingly athletic (ha) and he would just laugh or hug me like only he could. I went home and was so excited for the dance. We went to dinner then the dance. The theme for the night was the song, "out of my league"by Stephen Speaks. We danced and had such a wonderful time. I was in a pretty lime green and pink dress (pictured below) that mom bought me especially for this night. Well, it came to this song, and man was HE nervous. He was shaking and pulling me close and I thought... really? right here? this fool's going to try to kiss me right here in front of all my friends and peers? I don't think so. He didn't.  But, he did hold my hand to claim me after the dance was done, and the cleaning was done, and we walked out. Well, we got dropped off at his (empty) house because he needed his car and something else. It was a surprise. So he lead me downstairs, and out to his back yard. Under the hanging branches of an oak tree, he grabbed me in his arms for a big hug, then just slightly released me, looked at me with that look... and I knew... With the wind blowing slightly in the background, I willingly stepped up on my tippy toes and we kissed. It was short and sweet, and perfect. He lead me back into his house (holding my hand) where, crazy pants, his mom was looking for something in the kitchen. She took this picture of us about 5 minutes after the kiss... and you can SEE what was on both our minds. The night progressed, and I pulled him in for a goodnight kiss at my door, said goodnight, then giddily ate ice cream with my mama and Katie. Well, needless to say, we dated for a year after that, and he made me so happy. I miss him now, but know he is doing the right thing and I'm so proud of him!!

   So this song, "out of my league" is Jeff's song... our song... that night's song. Quite the event... :)

Day 6: A song that reminds you of somewhere

The summer before I started college, I got into running races. I ran my first race as the deseret news 10k, and it was so fantastic, that I decided I for sure wanted to run a half marathon. I did that august, and it was brilliant. I have been racing ever since. Well last summer, I did a 10 mile race in provo all by myself. It was actually really fun. I downloaded a new CD and didn't listen to it at all because I wanted it for my run. Well, it's still one of my favorite albums, but this particular song, Pony it's OK by Erin McCarley reminds me of a specific point on the trail that was pretty much pure bliss for me. So, for all my running adventures, this song will be on the playlist.

Day 5: A Song That Reminds You of Someone

Erik Boogaard. He was my first 'love'. I was in 9th grade, and he was in my English class. Man, was he a cute kid. He was also a jock and played on the Basketball team. Of course, he was in like with my close friend Tiffany and so I was the middle man in that relationship. I would help him to understand how she was feeling, and would have to sympathize with his feelings toward her. Yuck. This was tough on my heart, but by the middle of 9th, he came to his senses and realized that he actually liked me not Tiffany, and broke off his 'relationship' with her (he definitely asked her out... such a big deal in middle school.) So we started hanging out a lot more and because my best friend and his best friend were dating, it would just so happen that we'd pretty much be singly being with each other. So, 9th grade lagoon day, we're riding on the bus and he's like...

"I love Coldplay... Do you know them?"

"yes. Of course"

"you know their new CD"

"nope!"

"You want to listen to some?"

"Sure"

"Well this one's my favorite"

"Why is it your favorite?"

"Because it reminds me of you"...

I was shocked... a song reminded a boy of me? And not only that but THIS boy who I was so in like with...

So every time i hear Fix You by Coldplay... I think about Eric Boogaard and our awesome and naive relationship... We hugged once... it was intense. But I legit think we thought we were in a relationship. He made me feel beautiful... Good kid. ;)

Day 4: A Song That Makes You Sad...

This may seem an odd song to make me sad, but this song makes me think of high school, and I get very nastalgic when I hear it. This was the 'it' song for me in high school. I sang a solo for it when i was in 9th grade, and in high school with Carly Smart (now Muller) both for our Encore performance our senior year, and for Sr. dinner dance. It also reminds me of the broadway play that it comes from, Wicked. I went to wicked as a Junior in high school, just starting my relationship with Mr. Handy and absolutely enraptured with the music of the play, and the talent of the cast. Going with your high school choir is definitely something that I'd suggest for young people to do. It was magical. Then I went the summer after my freshman year of college with my family and man was that fun too. This song, For Good, just takes me to a different place. And I absolutely love it, but hate it at the same time. I had such a good experience with this song, and what memories it brings back. (also, countless times of singing it with Katie in the kitchen or wherever, and that makes me miss her...)

Day 3: song that makes you happy

So, every time I hear this song, I get pulled into another world and I feel content about things. A smile gets put on my face, and all is well. Hope it makes you happy too. :) - P.S. - it's also my ringtone ha ha.

Day 2: Least Favorite Song

My Humps - Black Eyed Peas. I'm not going to post this song because it's disgusting and retarded. It shows the world how perverted we are as an American people in our media. I cannot believe it was even allowed to be put on the air, let alone become a 'hit'. Yuck. I remember the first time I heard to this song. I was listening to some tunes on the radio while I was taking a shower and it was part of the set on 97.1 (Utah's 'hit' music). The backbeat was good so I was like, sweet, a cool new song. Then I listened to the lyrics. What the? I was appalled and immediately I changed the song. Recommendation... DON'T listen to it... and if you do, stop, because there is much much better to be putting in your mind than that garbage. Nuf said.

Day 1: Your Favorite Song

Day 1: My favorite song. Now this I think is a rediculous question. My favorite song changes from day to day. But this is a song that I listen to more than almost any of my songs. It brings relaxation to my soul, and just makes me feel at peace. I think that John Mayer is also my favorite artist, so that helps. the song is

In Your Atmosphere by John Mayer

Joining the Blog Fad...

I have been thinking a lot about doing this, and have decided that it will be fun and I want to... so you get to read about the kind of songs and music I like... My playlist will reflect these songs if you are at all interested in listening to them, and I don't even know the answers to most these questions... so I want to answer them ha! Anyways here goes nothin. Oh and also, I think I may quit lacrosse... any thoughts?

day 1: your favorite song

day 2: your least favorite song

day 3: a song that makes you happy

day 4: a song that makes you sad

day 5: a song that reminds you of someone

day 6: a song that reminds you of somewhere

day 7: a song that reminds you of a certain event

day 8: a song that you know all the words to

day 9: a song that you can dance to

day 10: a song that makes you fall asleep

day 11: a song from your favorite band

day 12: a song from a band you hate

day 13: a song that is a guilty pleasure

day 14: a song that no one would expect you to love

day 15: a song that describes you

day 16: a song that you used to love but now hate

day 17: a song that you hear often on the radio

day 18: a song that you wish you heard on the radio

day 19: a song from your favorite album

day 20: a song that you listen to when you're angry

day 21: a song that you listen to when you're happy

day 22: a song that you listen to when you're sad

day 23: a song that you want to play at your wedding

day 24: a song that you want to play at your funeral

day 25: a song that makes you laugh

day 26: a song that you can play on an instrument

day 27: a song that you wish you could play

day 28: a song that makes you feel guilty

day 29: a song from your childhood

day 30: your favorite song at this time last year

Confused Emotions

Sometimes I just have confused emotions. I do not know why, but I get wriled up sometimes. Little things bother me, and I feel down on myself. Yes, this typically happens when I am in the mist of the best week of the month, but they're legit feelings. Tomorrow is a new day. And relationships are gay.

Marriage, Brandi Gone, Y Group leader, School again and Yellowstone

Good luck and miss you B!

The happy couple... looking at the temple... ah serene

So I didn't have any Yellowstone pictures yet... so this is the Handy's... ha ha! (and Lisa West... Will's mom)

Me and cousin amanda at the wedding... Too cute not to post cuz I don't think I've ever had a picture with her before! Kind of fun.

Well, since that last post a lot has happened in my life to make some great changes and new adventures. First thing that happened was that my wonderful brother and best buddy got married! Yay to Kyle and Ashley. They got married on August 18th in the Salt Lake Temple and had the most beautiful reception dinner I have ever been to. It was breathtaking, and so were they. Kyle was so happy, and so was Ashley. How wonderful to have finally made that comitment to each other after 2 years of 'cyber' dating if you will because everything was over skype... Bless their hearts. It was a really happy day. We had a delicious Hawaiian buffet and then a program where all of us siblings got up and said a little something about Kyle and Ashley and then mom, dad, and grandpa B talked a little and so did the bride and groom. They went to Park City for their honeymoon and are now living in Provo as Kyle finishes what he hopes is his last year here at BYU (His major is chinese with a minor in business management).

The next week (exactly a week) after Kyle got married, by Brandi left on her mission to Columbus, Ohio! What a joy for her, but a bitter sweet time for me and those very close to her. She made me this super cute photo book of our friendship up to this point and I just bawled and bawled the day she left and the night before. We went on a 5 mile run the day she left for the MTC and we just talked casually as if nothing was changing and then I just said bye and I turned around and cried... Oh bless her. I hope that she finds the mission to be exactly what she was picturing and that she can just love the experience. I know she will.

This week that Brandi left I was a Y group leader for the new freshman class coming into BYU. It was a blast! I got all these precious freshman who were scared and eager and excited to be here on campus and be living the 'adult' life after high school. They kept answering all these questions and I finally felt like I knew what I was doing. It was a blast, and I will for sure be doing it next year!

School started last monday! I declared my major and minor on the second day of school and here's what I am doing "FOR SURE". I am a School Health Education major with a minor in PE teaching and coaching. How perfect right? THis way I get to teach health, pe, coach a few sports and hopefully do aerobics classes. Just the lifestyle I want and I'll hopefully be doing it for the right reasons and help students get through the tough times of high school... Also, after a few years of teaching I hope that I can be a public speaker to Youth on overcoming body image issues. So I've finally figured out a way to do everything that I love, and I'm so excited. I've kind of come full circle. :) So so far, school is bomb. I'm having a super good time! I've already been on a few dates and have a few more coming up this week... so I'm doing well socially. Plus... I have these amazing roommates who I just love to death like they were my own blood relatives. It's going to be a good year.

So for labor day weekend I got to go to Yellowstone with the Handy family, Katie, and my parents! It was so fun, and it made me appreciate the little things so much more. It was so beautiful there. What a beautiful and fun (free) way for me to spend the holiday! Being there made me think of Jeff a lot, and miss him. It was kind of tough being there, but at the same time it just made me want to strengthen my friendship with him so that I can go up there again ;). Anyways, it was a fun time.

Well! that's my life till now. Today I got a job as a TA for a professor from last year who's also my stake president and a fantastic person. I'm so happy... life seems to be going my way. Lets hope. :) Wish me luck!

Catch Up

This is a picture of the back yard of the Cash lake house... SO pretty. And that's luke in the background too... funny kid.
This is the crew! Left to right= Adam, me, Jeff Perry, Shawn, Brandi, Jed, Luke, Mitch, MaCall, Dave, and Ainsley. Spence also was there but he left a little earlier then the rest of us.

So I haven't blogged for almost a month and that is crazy to me... I can not believe how quickly the time has gone by. I've had some incredible experiences and I feel like I have learned a lot in the last month.

I have been more seriously dating a few boys this last month, both of which are of naught but taught me a lot about myself and about what I need in my future. I have been busy going out with them and hanging out with my friends most every night. It has been such a joy and a blessing to have all of those guy friends back home from their missions. I have had such a blast. This last weekend we went with Brandi and her family to her cabin up at bear lake. I went up there on thursday night and the rest of the crew came up friday night. Friday Brandi and I went running in the morning, then went out on the boat for about 4 hours (and I actually wake boarded for longer periods of time... super fun) and then we just laid out and listened to music and read. We came inside and played some volleyball and we went out on her jet ski for an hour or so also... so already we had had a physical day. Well, that night we decided to leave the boat out because it looked like it was going to be a really calm day and we would be fine. So about an hour after we came in from the lake, a storm flew in (literally within 10 minutes the world was in chaos outside). So needless to say, the boat was full of water within 30 minutes, and it was so wavey and dangerous that we didn't know what to do. We took all of the things that were in the boat out of it and then we just had to wait out the storm. Our friends came around 9 and the weather was back to calm and beautiful so we all went out in the lake (my friends came outside the second they got there and jumped in the lake with their clothes on... such amazing kids) and we bailed out all the water in the boat and got it inside. So by this point, we were all just exhausted (the cashes and I especially because of the long day anyways). It was so sad... the boat seems like it will not recover, and it was a nice nice boat. Anyways, we played games and got to know each other a little bit better then watched a movie and went to bed. The next day we played on some water tramps, the blue mat thing they have which is really funny and kind of sinks when you get on it... and with 12 people on it it was a good time. Then we played on the jet skis, played lacrosse, basketball and volleyball and enjoyed the sunshine as much as we could. I just love that place, and love these friends that I have been blessed with. Most especially I am so grateful for my buddy Brandi. She is such a strength and blessing to me. She is so amazing and a great example of learning by faith. I am going to miss her so so so much when she leaves in 2 and a half weeks for her mission to Columbus Ohio.

Well, that's really what's been up in my life. I have been helping Mom get everything together for the wedding in a week and a half and have been trying to keep the sanity as my dad's been out of town at the national jamboree. It is so nice to have him home again... he is our rock.

The Simplicity of My Life

Sometimes I pause and reflect on 'my life'. And by sometimes I mean all the time. Most of the time I am content with where I am. I think that the Lord blessed me with a spirit of contentedness. I don't typically question the gospel, where I am in life, or what I'm doing with it... maybe because I have faith in the plan... but it all just seems to be fine. But as I was looking through pictures on FB today... I felt this tinge of regret. Regret that I did not have the guts to apply all the way for the New Zealand study abroad, or that I was too slow to get into the Europe one. Regret that I live at home this summer, instead of living away and making friends and having 'my own life' separate from the one I'm in etc. etc.

Well... after the regret came the Gratefulness. Grateful that I AM in this place today. Grateful that I have the gospel, which gives me hope in the future. Grateful for my working body, and loving family. Grateful for my friends who bring a lot of joy to my life.

See.

I lead a really simple life. I have a job (or 3 depending on the week), an AWESOME bed to sleep on with a loving family around me to support me. Sure, I'm not having the adventures that some of my friends are having, but I am having my own little adventure.

I'm getting to know my mother's life better... the kind of p a i n, worry, and love she feels for all of us children. I am learning how much work goes into being a full time mother, friend, sister, and wife. I am learning how to organize better then ever before, and I am learning most especially to LOVE. Love everyone, and love deeply. Care. Try. Work.

You know, I always say this, but I just KNOW that life is about learning. Learning who you are, what you want to do, how you can overcome obstacles and be that much better.

Contentedness is a feeling quite desired. I am so grateful that currently, I am content. And Happy

Return Missionary Friends

Return Missionary friends. Interesting people and different people in a good way... but... it is still weird sometimes to integrate our lives together. I can only imagine what integrating a relationship with one of them would be like. I am so glad though that these boys get to serve missions (and soon I'll have girl friends serving missions who are home). Anyways, they learn so much and get to be enveloped in a wonderful culture of the spirit 24/7. Living like that seems impossible, but not when you are on an LDS mission. It is such a blessing for every aspect of their lives, and the people who's lives they touch. The last missionary buddy of my friends that were a year older then me comes home on Tuesday. It is crazy to think how quickly time has gone by. I'm excited though to have all of us back together again and see what is in all of our futures.

For the last few days we have been moving Paul and Danielle into their home in Mt. Green in the Ogden area. Their house is super nice, and it is very exciting the stage of life that they are in. Paul is a legitiamate doctor with his name on a sign and everything. (Pictures to come later). It is super exciting to see him really begin his life's work... And they couldn't be more pleased with the road that has taken them to where they are right now in Mt. Green. So I want to say a huge CONGRATS to Paul and Danielle Family. You guys are super people and wonderful examples to me. Love you and GOOD LUCK in your new place and job. :)

Facebook... Can we as a society ever escape it?

So I walk into the library to print off a paper for my next class, and I decide to take a look at what other people are doing on their computers. Facebook. Of course. What else would a hard working BYU student be doing? As many of you know, I am re-taking American heritage and because of this, I am gaining again so much more insight into why people do the things they do. Why do I blog? Because for me, it is a social outlet and a way to organize my thoughts. Maybe this is why people become obsessed with FB. I thankfully am not, and don't intend on ever being obsessed. If it werent for my out of state friends, I would drop my facebook page in a second. Everyone says they don't love facebook, but secretly you do. You love to look at people's pictures and creep on their status and friends. Secretly you can't wait for a moment where you can change your status to what 'amazing' thing happened to you. My personal and honest opinion on the subject? The world has gotten too technologically dependent for everything from going to the bathroom to having relationships with people. I am perplexed by how quickly society accepts new technology and can't seem to find a way to live without it. I'm glad I have facebook because my best friends are on there and I can see what they are up to. I love having pictures from trips when I forget my camera or whatever. But as far as actual socalizing goes? I could definitely live without it, and I believe we should try to as a society. Now... I'm curious to know what your opinions are on the subject of facebook.... :)

Certifiable Gleek

So remember how my favorite T.V. show was "Ugly Betty"? Well. The reason for this (disclosed with much more information in a previous post) is because Betty defied the odds that were against her and pretty much never forgot who she was and what her potential was. She stuck up for her family values and was always a friend to other people before she even though about herself. Now, the show had some twisted ideas of what values are... but the central character of Betty was my favorite part.

Now tragically this show has ended for good, and so on my quest for another show to love, I stumbled again on Glee. Now. THIS show has next to no morals for kids in high school, or anyone else for that matter. The characters are sexually driven in a lot of instances. And even though I am embarassed to put this but out there, there's a but. But the central theme of the show is to be yourself, no matter what other people may tell you to be. Okay okay, this theme has been beaten like a dead horse in so many of the sicoms etc. out there on t.v. but glee has extra power in it. This extra power comes from music. The music in this show is INCREDIBLE. Now, i am pretty picky about what I call amazing music, but glee for some reason just literally sings to my soul. The songs are so full of power and drive... and these kids are MY age. So, let me sum it up for you. Watch this show if only for the music they sing. It is making me wish I could go back to high school and really be into Madrigals for the experience it was. I always wanted to do show choir, so this show in essence is a time for me to re-live a little bit the joy I got from singing in high school. Okay, ode done. Enjoy!!

Interesting times

Oh blogging world. What interesting times we live in. What interesting struggles we have. Do you believe we hand picked some of these struggles? In a sense, we did... because we chose to choose the things we chose. I am choosing tonight to change some things. I really need to. I've felt peace about this decision. I'm excited to implement it. I am going to be better about so many things... with you all as my witnesses I commit to being a better member of the church through regularly attending institute, church meetings (mentally attending them not just physically ha), reading my scriptures, and praying. I also need to get a handle on my self control. I'm slowly becoming one of my worst fears... and I don't like bad dreams, so I'm going to stop them from coming true. Here's to taking down the bad guys today and fighting for a brighter tomorrow. :)

Road Runner

I think the cartoon animal that is most like me is the road runner.... A, because of his speed in going everywhere and B because of the dust that he leaves behind him.

Today, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by both parts of the road runner.

I've been so busy since january, it's been a whirlwind of activities. I was busy with school (homework and studying), family (birthdays and sunday dinners etc.), dating (surprisingly a lot my second semester, but to no avail... no one i've really been interested in), and especially lacrosse. This years lacrosse season was a whirlwind of it's own. I've been back and forth so many times about what i want to do with lacrosse next year because of various experiences this year with coaches, fundraising, comments from team members and limited playing time in practice and games. But... after this last week I know I need to play again next year. We went to the national tournament in Scottsdale AZ

It was a great opportunity to be with the team and learn a lot about what lacrosse can be for my team. We have so much to improve on next year, and i will be more of a leader then an underdog (hopefully) so I think I'll enjoy it more. Plus, I get to be around girls who are so much fun and great friends, and be physically active, and also to be able to travel around places. It's so unique, and it is a big part of who i am. I don't think I'd be content with giving it up. Thanks to mom and dad for their support of me throughout all my crazy decisions. Also thanks Katie and Karin for coming to AZ to support the team and me. You're the best. :)

Anyways, School started up again last week and I'm stressed which i shouldn't have to be, but i am because it's a 7 week semester with only 3 class periods and already I have midterms. I just wonder... why don't I ever take it easy? Usually it just makes me stressed and not as happy as I possibly could be. O well...

As far as the dust part, lately I've been feeling like I'm getting left behind in the dust of what everyone else is doing. People are going on to bigger and better things, and what am I doing? I feel as if I'm again in limbo... a hard place to be in that I remember being in my senior year around this time. I'm just so unsure of everything, while it seems as if everyone around me is sure of everything. I KNOW THIS isn't the case, but sometimes it feels that way. I think if I lived around a different culture then mormons and BYU i'd feel differently. I'd feel more normal about just working and hanging out all summer instead of planning for a mission, wedding, or internship somewhere. I KNOW I have an amazing life, I just wish I could have my crystal ball today and not have to wait till heaven to see into it.

No worries, I'll be over all this by morning, but it feels good to get it off my mind.

DONE!!!!!

Ah, what a fantastic feeling. No more homework or tests for...

a week because I'm doing spring semester. I'm retarded. ha!

O well! I will still celebrate!

Catch - Up time

So to start this post off, I'm going to give the blogging world this little quote. My dad sent it to me in an e-mail today, and I think it's fantastic. It's from a man who at age 77 got inducted into the World Senior Games hall of fame. (Big deal, held in St. George) Anyways, it's about running, and I totally believe every word it says. Today I went on a little 5 miler. I remember the days when 5 miles was Impossible for me, let alone improbable. Now, I am going to train for a MARATHON. That's right folks. I'm going to face my fears and do it, because my future is mine, and I'm excited.

WHY DO I RUN? 'TAIN'T NO MYSTERY--

WANNA HAVE A GOOD MEDICAL HISTORY,
DOCTOR TOLD ME RUNNIN IS GREAT--
HELPS THEM BLOOD CELLS CIRCULATE,
GREAT FOR THE LUNGS,
GREAT FOR THE TICKER,
CAN'T NOTHIN' GETCHA
IN BETTER SHAPE QUICKER,
FEELS SO HEALTHY, FEELS SO SWEET,
PUMPIN MY ARMS AND FLAPPIN' MY FEET,
MOLDIN' MY MUSCLES, FIRMIN' MY FORM,
PANTIN' LIKE A PACK MULE,
SWEATIN' UP A STORM,
KEEPS ME YOUTHFUL,
KEEPS ME LOOSE,
TIGHTENS MY TUMMY
AND SHRINKS MY CABOOSE,
BEATS BEIN' LAZY--
WHY DO I RUN? MAYBE I'M CRAZY!

Okay, so for updates. The first weekend of April, the 2nd and 3rd we went to colorado for a good little time. So we drove there at 5:30 in the A.M. and I drove. For sure it was crazy weather and I thought until the sun came out around 7 that I may just vere off the road... anyways I had to hold ten and two and it was all good. Until the drive home when I got caught speeding and 220 $ later I got home. So anyways, it was really fun to be in colorado. We drove there friday morning played 4 games and then drove home around 3 on saturday. Anyways, good times colorado. That weekend was also conference weekend and man I loved it. Conference is almost like christmas to me. I love it because I get spiritually fed in my PJ'S! This year's favorite was by Elder Donald A. Hallstrom about trials and being smart with the way you live your life. So good.

Next event was the next weekend! Okay so this one is St. Louis. It was such a great time. We had a lot of fun being in a different location. I got to be the navigator and it was fun to talk to my coach (oriah, not julie) about life and lacrosse. We flew in thursday afternoon and played a game against Lindenwood and lost to them, but shoot the game was legit. they announced the starting line up, played the national anthem and talked about the team's position and stuff. Then the next morning we went to the St. Louis arch and the union square there where this guy from "the fugery" sang us a song and shoot I felt like I was in heaven it was so cool!! (if you want more details ask me in person...) Then more games, sleep, games, plane ride home, lots of talking, laughing and screaming. Needless to say, my team was all exhausted and we had a hard time focusing and playing our hardest at practice. Tomorrow we head off to colorado again even though it's finals. This is the regional tournament and if we win both our games tomorrow, then we get a trophy AND the bid to go to nationals in may. I'm so so excited... This is why I play lacrosse. It is so fun to be around girls all the time and to travel to fun places and to play a sport that makes me love something. I dunno, that's all jumble but it is truth. It's worth it. If I've learned anything this year it is that what I do with my life is worth it because "all these things shall be for thy good and shall give thee experience."

Tonight the roommates and I went to Olive Garden for dinner and laughed a bunch about our past year. They're all saints. They put up with me even though I'm a pest and negative and don't really contribute much. I am so lucky to live with my best friends. We have had a phenominal year. We predicted who's going to get married first, when they'll get married, who'll be engaged first, who will have the most kids, and where we will all live in tenish years. We promised that each year we would get together and reminiss about the past and talk about the present and future. It made me excited for one of the first times in a long while about my future. Uncertain as it is, I'm excited. :)

How do people do it?

Sometimes I wonder how people keep everything under the radar... how they can seem (or maybe even just are) so perfect all the time. It seems they never get mad or frustrated with anything.

Right now is finals time, and I HATE when the time that I've set aside for studying or what not gets disrupted.

Tonight, my favorite show on television had its very last episode ever... It makes me sad because it ended horribly with Betty not ending up with a guy at all, moving away from her family, the two gay guys still being gay, the mean lady getting the business and her man, and so many other things ended "wrong" that I just was not happy with it. But even more then that, while trying to relish in the last few moments I had with my show, 4 people came in (uninvited) and chatted up a storm. It made me upset... obviously. I just wonder, if my generation is this inconsiderate, what are my children going to be like?

I am stressed. I know it. I have to figure out a lot of things, and secretly my heart is breaking a little bit each time I don't get mail, I hear about another friend of mine who is happily engaged (or soon to be), each time I hear that a family member is sad, each time I fear the future, each time I find out that grades are not as I thought they were going to be etc. This time of life is just really hard sometimes.

I'm so grateful for the gospel and the things it teaches. Because of my hard night tonight I read my favorite scripture passages, D&C 121-123 and they game me comfort and strength. If Joseph, Job, and especially Christ suffered through ALL that stuff, my stuff is nothing at all. Really in the scope of things, my turn on earth is really just an hour or so... but shoot, what a tough hour sometimes. O well. Tomorrow is another day.

P.S. I have a bunch of stuff to blog about and catch up on, and I started to do that last night and have been saving it all day, but one of those uninvited guests of ours got on my computer and exited out of my screen so I'll try again later.

Indulging

I think that sometimes, I don't indulge enough. I should

- re-live good memories

- love the little things

- laugh hard... then harder

- cling to my families love

- re-watch good parts in movies

- enjoy school, work, and dating

- love my food and drink

- feel blessed for what relationships I have

- cherish more the gospel

- love

Who's with me? :)

Fiddler On The Roof

"Blessings on your house, Mazeltoff Mazeltoff..."

Okay, so I'd never seen Fiddler On the Roof before, but wow was I impressed. I went to see it on saturday night with my family. It was such a good time, and Hale Center Theater did such a great production/rendition of it. I love the motto of the musical. It's all about being happy with the events that transpire in your life, no matter how hard they are for you to go through. Now, as we all know, that's pretty much the motto of my life, so this really did strike a chord with me.

For those of you who haven't ever seen it, let me just summarize what happens...

It's set during the time of the Russian Revolution in this Jewish town called Anatevka. This town is not a wealthy place, and most of the residents just barely get by on their jack of trades (for example, there's a rabbi, a butcher, a taylor, and the main character is a milk man). Well, needless to say Tevya, the main dude, has 5 daughters, all very amiable girls, but with no dowry to recommend them to any men, they have a matchmaker put them together with their future spouses. This doesn't settle well with Tevya's daughters, and the oldest three end up braking from tradition and marrying whom they love! Then the cutest of ever songs, "Do you love me" sung by Tevya and his wife Golde, makes them question how they actually did fall in love after 25 years of living together as a married couple. Thoughout all of this they experience many trials, and eventually get pushed out of their beautiful town with very little notice... Much like my ancestors the pioneers did.

Pretty much this just made me think, wow, I'm so lucky. I get to choose who I want to marry, what I want to do with my life, how I will eventually be successful etc. I did take in most of all Tevya's attitude. He is always talking with God about the events in his life, both good and bad, and mulling over each decision with God. I think that I need to do more of this in my life. I come to my father in heaven in the mornings and at night, but I need to do it more often. I also loved how Tevya makes a joke out of almost everything that happens, as to make it light hearted and keep him and his surroundings peaceful/happy. I dunno, it just makes you think.

I highly recommend watching this musical, or even going to it at Hale Center Theater. It's fantastic.

Pictures of the haps lately

Love this picture. My team

is da bomb... and these are some

of my favorites.

Team picture!

Me and the girls at Hannah's ballet recital

Erik Andersen (my home teacher) and I at skate your heart out... like the outfits?

Kelly and ward friends and teammates at skate your heart out.

Updates

FIRST OFF... yesterday... I saw....

Crazy right? I got locked out of an entrance to the field, so grudgingly I persevered to the other side of the field, and fate happened. I was just walking near the entrance to the athletic building at Westminister college, and Hello John. I smiled awkwardly at him and so did he at me, and that was that. WHY DIDN'T I SHAKE HIS HAND??? I dunno. I guess I was stunned and didn't really realize who it was until he was gone. But still, freak out I did as I entered the field and bragged about it to my teammates. I think it was also fate that because of this meeting with him yesterday, my boys won their game. They are currently ranked 3rd in the Hollinger power rankings on espn, and are tied for 4th in the western conference. Lets hope they either stay there or go ahead because they sure need to make it to the western conference finals. I need my basketball to last as long as it can. :)

Other updates...

My team played in a tournament yesterday against CSU, Wyoming, and Air Force. CSU is our rivals, our Jordan if you will... they are such a hard team for us to get around for some reason. No one on my team has ever played a game against them where we won. BUT. Yesterday all that changed. We beat them 5-6 and it was a fight all the way to the end. One of the girls on my team had a red card called on the player who slashed her on the head, giving her a nice little gash that took her (having had 4 points in this vital game) out for the rest of the tournament. What a time. Then it was Wyoming who we beat by a lot and Air Force who we beat 21 (ish) to 0. Sounds ruthless right? But we played so horribly against Wyoming that we had to make up for it. It was a good day followed by a dinner with my high school girlfriends that was way fun and an early bedtime for me! Perfect day I'd say. Except for one thing. I had been feeling very odd about something all day. Something was just off... I was nervous and feeling nauseous, but not because of the games, but something else that I couldn't put a pin on. I thought that going to bed early would help that, but I'm not sure. I think part of it was that I do not want to go back to school and have to face yet another test. Last week my two hardest classes had exams, one was a final. The final went okay, I didn't fail, but I didn't excel either. And the exam went poorly for everyone, so he said he'd add on 10-15 points to our scores and therefore I ended out doing pretty good on that one. It is just so stressful this school thing, but o well. I choose to come here. :)

Another reason I think is that I was feeling uneasy about some man struggles, which if you want info on you should come to me, but I am just anxious to know what's going on in everyone's heads. I think that it would be awesome sometime to have a crystal ball just waiting for me to look into and know what my future would be. :)

I thought also maybe a reason I'm feeling weird is all of the housing struggles we've been going through. I love where we live because the people are great and I love my roommates so no matter where we end up it will be something good. I am just hoping that it isn't somewhere were I have to pay a lot of money. I am pretty positive we'll be living in the riviera again, but o well. I'm not in control of that.

The last thing I think is that I'm worried about someone close to me dying. I know this is a horrible thought to have, but I have been reading a lot about people dying and getting into serious substances etc that get them addicted and pulled speedily down the path of destruction. I do not like thinking this way, but it is what it is I guess. I hope that it will pass, and that if something like this did happen, I'd be able to help out as much as i could. Maybe I'm being prepared for a hard trial... I dunno. I'm just anxious.

The last last thing is that I have no idea what I'm going to be doing with my summer. I still haven't heard back from EFY yet, and I don't know if I'll be living down here in the spring going to school or if I'll be in sandy or what. I don't have another job (besides bath and body) to go to and I don't really want to just sit around and not be productive either. I would LOVE it if I could just hear back from EFY and therefore figure out my life. ha! It's been almost 6 weeks since I interviewed.

I'm so glad that I have a testimony of the Savior. I know that all will be well and that I need to just trust in him and in my father in heaven.

I do really want to give my mom and Katie a little shout out for helping me de-stress this weekend. I REALLY appreciate it and love you both.