HAPPY CHRISTMAS BREAK

Just wishing you all a happy couple of weeks full of joy and relaxation. :) I'm searching for that too, but just wanted to wish it to you all.

Santa is fantastic, and my parents have been so generous. I love them and appreciate so fully all that they've done for me. Love you!

Also, thank you to our father in heaven for sending this earth and all of our souls his son and our brother Jesus Christ. May we remember the aw-full sacrifice that was done by our Savior.

Irony

For reals. That's what I've been doing inside of my head all day today. Because of what my life is, and what paths i've chosen to go down. It's all so coincidential, it's funny. So first off, lets discuss the book new moon. I really don't like the twilight series. First of because Bella Swan, the main character in those books, is SO not a woman for girls to look up to! She is so needy and can't get over things without the aid of a man. She is 'nothing' without men, and seriously Stephanie Myer. Our gender is so much better then what you make it out to be. I can't believe that I'm even supporting her by reading this saga... but I need to understand the story etc. to be able to go on with things. So anyways. That's that. And I just laugh because I'm a slight feminist, and I can't believe I'm giving in to this fantasy world that Ms. Myer has created for girls. Gross... ha.

Reason number two. This year I've been trying to be less selfish and more kind to others. To think of what others need before my own needs, but this week with christmas coming and living in sandy for a few weeks, I've been more selfish then ever. Isn't it ironic how when we are supposed to be focusing on others and what they need from us, I focused (and I'm sure we've all kind of understood this) on myself and what I needed to do. It's HORID and I'm trying to be better... but I feel sort of relief at the fact that just reading for fun is possible.

Reason number three. I have had a job since almost the second I turned 16. I have taught piano lessons, worked as a ref, worked as a busser, worked as a newspaper editor, worked as a swimming teacher, worked as a coach, worked as a diet tech in a hospital, and now I am working at bath and body works. I don't know why i've been programed to think that I need a job all of the time, but it's been a really benificial thing I think. I've learned a lot through my various jobs, but still, I am not happy in these jobs. Bath and Body is fun, but I don't love working. (who does)... so Irony in this is that I make myself do things that I don't want to do... stupid kelsey... o well.

Reason number four. I have been talking myself in and out of this boy for the last two years. I have been avoiding my heart and mind, I have been digging into the scriptures and prayer for answers, but never really taking time to figure it out slowly with deep thought... It seems that no matter what I do, he comes back into my life, things with him and without him happen, and I don't know what I should feel. It scares me to think that this could be the only true relationship I'll ever experience, yet the more I think about it and forever, the more I like the idea. My friends are getting engaged left and right, or falling into like with people, or having boys tell them that they love them, but me? I've been dating boys in and out of the ward, and have had no such luck with any of them. It was all easier when I didn't date anyone last year, and never let my heart think about relationships. Irony? Again, I'm possibly making myself miserable by the decisions I make every day. What should I do about it all? I'll avoid that thought for another year and a half. ;)

Last one. My college career and life plans. The more and more I think about what I want to do with the next few years of my life, the less and less I get excited about it. That's the wrong way to think about things isn't it? I should be excited at the prospect of being in the health field somehow or teaching people about health myself. I should be excited to work towards my goals, but mostly I'm scared. Is that normal? I dunno.

all in all... I'm confused. I thought that the break may help me to figure all this out, but now I am unsure. I'm scared... and I feel pressure from some outside force to figure it all out...

ANY SUGGESTIONS? Sorry blog and readers. You function as both my journal and my outlet for answers.

FINALS TIME

Yikes! I can not can not believe that it's already time for finals and intense studying and STRESS! Man, I just finished today a 10 page essay final for my Asian Humanities class that my professor thought would only take us 3 hours to complete. Too bad it took me 4 times that much time to complete. Thank you to my cute mom who spent her morning this morning fixing all my editorial mistakes. Love you mom!

Here's a secret, I actually like finals time in a sense because that's when I get a chance to review all the material that I have learned throughout the semester and it makes me think... hey Kels, you're actually pretty smart... :) Until of course, I go to the testing center and the score on the screen does not give me a Perfect, Good Job, or Excellent... and then, I just laugh because that's my life in college... usually I'm the one that walks out of the testing center de-jected and calling her mamma to cry and complain about her failure... ha ha! But everyone, I will tell you right now that I will NOT get lower then a C on any of my finals. I'm hoping for 4 a's and a C+ at least... so... for this week I will say...

WISH ME LUCK! :)

Also, I just want to give a shout out to my beautiful sister in law Jacee who had her baby last night at 3:45. His name is Bryson Christopher Clayton, and seriously, he's the cutest kid! 9 lbs. 9 oz. and 21 inches long! Huge and precious. Love you guys!

Twilight, Shower, Marriage, and Thanksgiving!

Yes, it's time to blog about all those beautiful things.

So, my roommates from freshman year, and my roommates now went to the midnight premiere of NEW MOON, the second installment of the Twilight series. O what fun! ha ha... it was an interesting movie to say the least. It was much like Stephanie Myer's books... they are cheesy as Kraft, but they somehow make you keep wanting to turn the pages and learn about Bella (the monotone no personality or gumption girl), Edward (so not attractive to me) and Jacob (so. attractive. to. me.) So, what can I say but that I loved the experience of it and laughing in the theater with my buddies.

(me and the mates at the theater... kelly's squished by my head!)

The next thing that happened was that I threw a little shower thing for Carly Smart a

s she is getting married on thursday for all her college friends and friends from high school. W

e had a really good time catching up and getting to know what everyone was doing with their lives now. Jenn Wright helped me out and we got a lot of people there I was surprised.

Carly is going to be the best wife ever and such a great girl. She's so happy and in love it's great.

(me, Carly, and Jenn at the shower)

Now... the last thing that's been going on is people getting married left and right and engaged. I'm used to it now I think. It's the stage of life I'm in I guess so I should be used to it as much as I can... ha ha... anyways. I made a list yesterday of all the people I know from high school who are married or are engaged. 14 people as of yesterday. Who knows how many it will be tomorrow. Plus. I have three really good friends who are talking about marriage in the summer. Yep. 19/20 year olds. We're so young. what the heck is the rush? I dunno... but these ladies and gentlemen that I'm speaking of are all great people and they deserve to be happy and in love. It's most DEFINITELY not my time, and I don't want it to be. I would like to live single life for a few more years and keep growing up, experiencing, and learning about myself before I can commit to anyone else.

Thanksgiving was wonderful! I had a whole week to sleep in and work for mom (which I secretly love doing because it's really rewarding... clean house and christmas decor up... love you home!) and also got some homework done... though not enough to get by easily these next couple of weeks. I took a few moments throughout the week to think about what I'm especially grateful for this year. I think this is my list of top 5...

1.) Supportive and loving Family

2.) Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ

3.) Wonderful friends and roommates

4.) Confidence in myself

5.) Priesthood blessings and callings

It's a different list then lists in the past. I used to be most thankful for the food I was eating (he he) and then family, friends, blankets, shelter etc.

Now... Things in life have changed.

I'm reading a book called 'the hiding place' for school. It's a true story about a lady and her family during WWII. She faces so so many challenges and whitnesses so many tragic events... but through it all, she is positive and KNOWS that god is in everything.

So I guess my favorite part and thing that I'm sincerely grateful for this year is that God is in everything that goes on in my life and in the lives of people that I know and love. Without that knowledge I would be a different person completely.

SNOW TIMES

The official first snow of the season is today! It just put me in the best mood! Happy whiteness. You are a gift from God for me today to make me feel better. Love you!!

Fighting off satan

Why is it that when life is going so well, bam. Satan gets you. I experience this all to often. I'll be doing well and feeling like things are positive, and then my mind starts to wander and my esteem starts to fail. Thoughts like 'You're not doing enough, you don't deserve to be here, you're not smart enough, you aren't as funny as her, he'll never like you, just give up on lacrosse... you don't get respect from it anyway... etc' enter my mind, and I feel useless. These are only a few of the thoughts that I've been experiencing. Sometimes, i just want to hide away from the world.

This last weekend, Brandi and I went down to St. George to run the Snow Canyon half marathon. I was lucky enough to have my cute mom and Whitney drive with me down there and then come home with me straight after the race for the 'so you think you can dance' concert. I was on a weekend high from running the race, accomplishing something that I wanted to do for myself, and something that made me a little bit different. It was a way to connect with my good buddy, and do something that I love and am passionate about. I am very grateful to have had this experience, but that high has faded, and I am just back to Provo life. It's a hard atmosphere to be in. I feel like there is so much social pressure to be 'perfect' in every aspect. I am human, and I DEFINITELY make mistakes. It sometimes seems as if no one else does.

The interesting thing about all of this is that today Elder Huntsman gave a devotional talk and inside of it he said, "There is no education like adversity. God did not put us here to fail. Stay true in the dark, and humble in the light. Between you and the Lord, you can accomplish your dreams." Isn't it interesting how every time you feel like nothing's going your way, our Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ save you... through words, actions of others, or just simple random conversations that they purposely put in your way. It's always the little things, you just have to be looking for them...

And then... your dreams do not seem out of reach,

but Possible.

Special Guest Post

Dear Kelsey,

I hacked onto your blog, es for fun.

You are the best of friend I could have asked for! I see you everyday-we work together, we work out together, we sleep together (yes), we cook together, we eat together, we study together...and you still don't get on my nerves. Dude, this is love.

It's like we're married or something! Jk....

soon enough we're both going to be getting married to boys for real and our routine won't be with eachother, sad to think about, but I hope you know that, shawty, you da best.

Thanks for putting up with me, and letting me put my used tissues on your couch (right now) and for taking care of me while I'm sick.

Love you long tiiime!!

-whitney friend

dont delete this kels, i have blackmail. muahahhaa

An apple

All it took today for me to get out of my sad no-man state was to hear a man eat an apple (and secretly I watched him) and now I am cured of wanting a man. Yuck. Boys are discusting.

It seems like life happens in cycles... cycles of good, bad, okay, really bad, awesome, etc. So far this year I've experienced more of these highs and lows then ever before in my life. I've blogged about most of them, so I won't go into detail, but in essence, it's been a growing and especially challenging time. I've delt with sickness, injury, acute loneliness, service and work opportunities I've always wanted to have, love, strengthening of friendships, and loosing loved ones. In each instance as I look back, I can see how fragile and blessed those times were. They have all added quality to my life, and made me expand outside of myself to help others.

Three days ago my Cousin passed way. It was a very unexpected occurance, and my thoughts and prayers go out to my Clayton family who in 2 months have had to deal with the passing of 2 dear loved ones. I've been reminded again and again this year about the fraglity of life.

While I was in the hospital working, I would go into rooms where the patrons would be literally on their death beds. (Alta View is known as a very geriatric hospital). My job was seemingly unimportant in the grand scale of things, but I felt like I would make bonds with these patients who stayed for weeks at a time just by providing for them stability in when they were getting their meals and a different friend to talk to. These lives were so precious. I learned a lot about what adds substance to a person's life. I would always feel so bad for the people who hardly had visitors, and feel peace about the patrons who's families would visit often, or sometimes never even leave.

I know that no one ever wants to experience pain, or face the dark and hard times. It seems that the world could not get worse, but yet, somehow it does. What defines us is how we deal with these hardships. We always beg the question, 'why me? why now?' but we will not find the answer alone. What brings me the most comfort and what I believe to be the best hope we have in this life, is that God is in Everything.

Ode to the Mates.

Okay, so I just have to take this time and say 3 paragraphs about my roommates. I want everyone I love to know them, because it's them that have made the difference to me so far this school year.

First off, HANNAH

Hannah is an absolute joy. From the first day I met her I have only felt loved. She's so easy to talk to and never says mean things about people. She has the best southern accent I've ever heard, and she loves to eat as much as me! She is a graceful and beautiful dancer in BYU's ballet company and she can make jokes out of anything. She also has the most contagious laugh. I love to talk to Hannah about my day because she acts genuinely interested in the going-ons of my life. I believe Hannah to be one of the prettiest girls I've met. I wish that I could put it into words better, but she just is the bomb. I am so so lucky to have the opportunity to live with her. What a doll.

Kelly is such a crack up! She has the most interesting life of any of us in that she has 5 sisters who all have their own unique story and every day we hear something new which is wonderful. She also can make a funny joke out of anything that is said, and seems to have all the right words to say when you need to hear them. She is so good about cooking and cleaning and she never complains about the house but just does what is needed. She has such a natural beauty and a very loving personality. I admire her so much for her spiritual strength and her inner child. I'm so glad that I have the opportunity to learn from Kel. She teaches me how to be better every day.

Whitney is my busom buddy. If you didn't believe in them before, you better start being a believer. I am the luckiest girl to be living with her as not only my roommate but as one of my best friends. I don't think that anyone could be as kind as she is to me, as good at putting up with my bad and annoying habits and as patient with my crazy living patterns. She is a saint. Whitney has a unique talent of uplifting anyone who is having a bad day. She is a fighter like non I've ever seen before. She is intelligent and hard working and never lets what people say or think stop her. She's more in-tune with peoples emotions then anyone i've ever met, and is absolutely hilarious. I know that our Father in Heaven loves her as one of his elect daughters. She has so much love in her heart for people and will make the best nurse in the world. Her great attitude is addicting. I believe her to be my saving angel. I love her to the eternities.

I wish that I could let you all experience a day in the life of apartment 10. We are nuts, but we've had some tender moments and our apartment is full of peace. I want to thank you for making the difference to me. I could not survive alone. I never thought I could love school and provo like I do now. It's like what I always imagined. Thanks for accepting me into your lives. You have blessed mine so much.

Now lets be clear, I love you all! but my roommates just deserved a little shout out tonight as I am feeling humbled to be in their presence and so blessed.

All my love to all of you who read this and who have helped me grow. I would be nothing without the love and support of all those whom I know. You are all the best!!!

'it's the tops!'

It's the most wonderful time of the year

NOPE

It's hammer time.

Just kiddin!

It's conference time! It's the best time of the year for me. I seriously love it as much as Christmas! I think that it is awesome that we have the opportunity to be educated by Gods direct servants! It's the best thing ever. I am just so so excited. What a deal.

Thanks to all of you who do read this!

I know that I have followers, but sometimes it's nice to ask the questions so you can get the answers. I've been so so busy lately. It's quite retarded really. I feel like for the first time in my life, that I have no extra time for anything, and wish that I could have more hours in the day! I feel as if I'm not even myself most the time anymore. But, don't you worry friends and family. I have awesome friends... and family... and roommates and of course! I have the lord and his infinite atonement. If I could sum up the last month of my life in school and busy with things etc. i would say that it has been amazing. I've learned so so much already! I can't believe that it's almost october, and already so cold outside. It makes me so sad that summer weather is leaving us and that there will soon be snow! But, that also means more time for hot chocolate and movies and talking with good buddies. Hopefully this will also mean more time for LOVE! for me... cuz I'm lacking in that department yet again. :) Well this is a random post and i'm sory it doesn't stand up to most my others, but that's my life for now. We won our lacrosse tournament in Colorado this last weekend, I took an asian humanities test, and tomorrow I have to take my anatomy test... so... I'm SUPER busy with life, but i'm loving it. And... Don't forget the BEST time of the year is coming up this weekend. General conference time! It's seriously my favorite time of the year. It's so relaxing and amazing to hear all of those men preach words from our fahter in heaven and his son jesus christ. Love it! Okay bye.

Anyone even read this thing??

;)

Thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment

... And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high...

all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good...

These have been my favorite verses of scripture since I was a sophomore in high school. Now, four years later as a sophomore in college, I can't live without their repetition in my head day in and day out. I have a splendid life. I have been so blessed. But... we all have our days and our moments of hardship. I think often about the predicament that Joseph Smith and his companions faced while they were imprisoned in Liberty Jail. They were forced to eat human flesh, were barely allowed to see their loved ones during the months of their imprisonment (probably feeling as if they would ever see them again) they were plagued with disease. Each one of the men in that tiny room had every reason in the world to complain... but the only account we have of words of 'complaint' from Joseph smith are a few of the verses of section 121. He stays positive... knowing that the work is good and that God is real.

I may not know very much, but I do know that I have a testimony of the peace that the scriptures, words of the Lord and his prophets, can bring to your mind, body and spirit. I would be so lost without the comfort of my Father in Heaven when I plead with him for strength.

I do have faith. And I do have hope. And I must remember these things to be able to make it through another challenging year at BYU. I already feel like I'm going to be buried underneath so much work that I won't be able to recover. I know he has given me this challenge to make me a better person. He knows I need more of a push to get me going in the right direction. He knows me.

And that's all I need to know.

A bran-new year.

This week has been a fun time for me. I'm suprisingly not stressed about school and I feel so comfortable because I have an apartment to live in, and my roommates are great. It's kinda odd though I'm feeling like something's missing or going to go wrong because it's all so la di da...

but... it's also really nice so you know... we will see?

(this is part of Jeff's letter that I wrote him... but it's also what's going on in my life so here you go.) I love having experiences and feelings of peace that are associated with the spirit. There is no better time then when I just feel that peace that everything will be okay and that the lord and heavenly father love me. I have some amazing classes this semester. Yeah school started Monday and It's been so great. I am in some really fantastic classes that I'm excited about like... Asian humanities (which is going to kick my bootaay...), Chronic disease prevention (which is all about how to avoid obesity and diabetes and heart attacks etc... PLUS... i have an assignment to go on an all veggie/fruit diet with chicken/fish sparingly... what could be better!) Then I'm in this class called Home and Family life which will pretty much just teach me how to be a good mother and person. It's all about relationships and how to make them better and nourish them. I'm in two religion classes which is SO cool because I have some of the best professors for those classes and I've just been feeling the spirit so much in them. The last class i have is my anatomy class which is all about the makeups of the human body... So pretty much... I'm just loving all the classes I'm taking because they're all about my major and minor and just good stuff. I do however, think that all the reading I have to do for my classes is going to sink me to my grave. Let me now tell you of my roommates, and how awesome they are. We haven't had any problems with them and we all have roommate prayer together and support each other when things are going bad. I have my roommate Whitney who you have met. You already know who awesome she is and how easy she is to get along with. We are just the closest of friends and haven't been mad or anything yet. My other roommates names are Hanna and Kelly and they are just hoots. They both just talk with a southern drawl and love life and being with friends and having fun. So... we all get along great. Last year at this time I just wanted to break down and cry and quit everything, but now I'm just loving the experience. The lord has been blessing me to know that I have it easier then almost anyone and that life will be okay no matter what because I have a testimony of the church of Jesus Christ and a love for my father in heaven and his son. I just know that it's real... the atonement is fascinating and I can't wait to keep on learning things. I want to tell you one last thing... Okay two last things. The first is that Lacrosse practice started up today and was a great time. I like to play with those girls and there's just nothing quite like playing an organized sport that lets you work out so good! woot! ha ha, anyways, I just thought about that as another thing that I have done since I last wrote you! Thing two then is my job. Okay, so what we do is edit a newspaper called the 'nauvoo neighbor' that is a newspaper from Joseph Smith's time in Missouri and nauvoo. It has been such an interesting week this week reading the articles that we have been editing. They've been talking about Joseph and the other men's experience right before and during Liberty. I learned today that they were forced to eat human flesh, and were not allowed to say goodbye to their families without a member of the militia with them... and even then it was only for a few min. The militia men also told the imprisoned men's children and wives that 'daddy wouldn't be coming back'. How awful is that? I can't even imagine being the wife of one of those brethren and having all of these travesties happen to me. It made my favorite sections from the D & C that much more important and special. (the reason being they're section 121 and 122... all about liberty jail.) I just think that that in and of itself is such a testament to the truthfulness of the gospel.

The one that stuck

So... this week it happened. Jeff Handy left on his mission... for two years I wont be able to see him! I had to say goodbye to him on monday night... And who knew how hard it would be for me. It seems that I just haven't been able to get that boy off my mind since we dated a year ago. I just felt like we were always off and that I was just letting time and things pass through my fingers. He's one of my best buddies and I'm going to miss being able to talk to him and take him places with me like church stuff or date stuff. Even after we broke up it was never awkward enough between us to not be friends. When we said goodbye this last week I just went right up to him and gave him a big bear hug and we just talked about life for a little while like nothin was up... then it came to be about an hour longer then I thought and I needed to let him be with his family. He walked me out to my car for one last time and gave me another big bear hug... I looked up at him and said good luck and write me every week etc. etc. and we shed some tears and walked away waving until we couldn't see each other any more. I think on his fun personality often and I will keep him in my thoughts and prayers and letters while he is gone... His family is so cute... they feel like a part of my family and we just all are supporting each other. They even brought me a back to school present! Isn't that awesome? I had it easier then they did obviously.. but also because I went to bear lake with Brandi and Lindley from wednesday till friday.

O man it was one of the top 5 most fun things i've done this summer. I have had a really good time vacationing and being with people etc. but I really enjoyed this because we haven't been together the three of us since like my junior year, so it was SO nice to be able to spend some time in each others company just talking and laughing together like no time had passed at all. We caught up on what was going on with each person and laughed so much! We laid out, we played lacrosse, we played on the jet ski's (which was the best part and a surprise from Monet.... :)) While we were on the jet ski's we decided it would be awesome if all three of us road the smaller one together... so we did and we flung each other of so much just because the last person would get thrown around so much so they would pull the others off... so cool. We also ate lots, watched a few movies, read stuff, and of course went boating. It was so fun to go boating and actually be able to do stuff! This is just proof to you all and to myself that I don't completely suck at wake boarding or wake surfing... fun stuff! Well that's about it... life starts for me again with school and lacrosse etc. in a week! Scary!!! But man I'm so excited. It's like a new start and I have so much hope for the year and what it will bring me. :) So next up? College time with Whitney and co. :) saweet

Grandma Clayton

This is my wonderful, beautiful, hardworking, and amazing grandmother Farrell Clayton.  She passed away on Tuesday the 4th of August peacefully in her sleep.  We are all deeply saddened by this occurrence, but she will live on in our hearts forever.  She taught me personally the importance of being a strong and devout woman.  She invested in education, and stressed the importance of getting a degree because of the uncertainty of the future.  She appreciated music more then anyone I have known, and encouraged us all to practice our talents. She would be ashamed if we let a moment pass by us in which we could share those talents with others.  She taught and raised my amazing father to be the wonderful man that he is today.  She encouraged him to take art lessons, piano, clarinet, bass guitar, sing, take debate, and so many other disciplines in life that have shaped his whole being, and by default, my families.  She always encouraged healthy eating and living a healthy lifestyle.  I remember going over to her house and the first thing she would offer us was either grapes (washed with soap :)), watermelon (freshly cut), toast (with spray butter...), chicken noodle soup, or chocolate frozen yogurt. (the woman loved her ice cream).  She loved her family more then anything in the world, and was always so proud of us no matter what the circumstance.  

I will miss all these things about my grandmother, but I will never forget her legacy.  She left me a lot of things to live up to, and I want in every moment to make her proud.  

Thank you Grandma for all you did for us, and for your continual support and love for each of us.  We love you!  I will miss you. 

It's not too often...

...that I find myself absolutely grateful for my life!  I mean, I've always been appreciative of opportunities and blessings, but not really for life!  I'm always down on myself for my body, or what I've been eating, or why things with friends seem off or whatever else vain you could think of because I am more then a tad selfish... but this last weekend I have found myself so so excited for the future.   

     This summer has been one of hope and excitement for me future.  I've been working in the hospital trying to figure out what it is that I want to do with the rest of my life... right... o man, it's a hard decision.  I remember when Katie was thinking about what to major in and what school to go to etc. she took so long to figure it out, and I would always say to her, 'why can't you just pray about it and understand what it is that you want to do... it's not that hard Katie... come on...' etc etc.  I always thought that I would be a nutrition major... but not anymore (as you all know...)  I've often thought about becoming a nurse... I love teenagers... I love their attitudes and their excitements.  I've always connected well with them and been able somehow, to tell them what they need to hear (even though it's usually for myself just as much as it is for them ha ha...)  So what do I choose?  I know I'll do health... but do I want to do health education? (where I could teach health, coach a team, teach aerobics...)  or exercise and something? (in which I would become a trainer or go on to med school something)  Health promotion? (in which I would travel and help people become educated)  So many options.  Now what to do???  (advice accepted here...)  I think that health education feels the most right for me, but I love input! 

     I've also learned this summer that good friendships are so so important to me.  It is a unique thing to have someone in your life in whom you can trust with anything (outside your family)... but I'm ultra lucky!!! I have more then one person that I can go to.  God blessed me with knowing these people because he knew that I wouldn't be able to handle this time of my life without them.  (you know who you are. :))

    And possibly the last thing i've learned this summer is how important sundays and sunday meetings and church and the gospel is.  I have not been to church very much, and when I have gone, i've missed a lot of the hours in sunday school and relief society.  I feel such a difference in my week and in my life in general when I don't attend all of my church meetings, or any of church at all.  I love my father in heaven, and I regret the decision to take a job that had me work on sundays, but it also has taught me this lesson, and the ones written before it.

    So anyways... I want to say yet again, thank you.  I am so happy and beaming inside right now because of what I can do with my life and the lives that I hope to change.  Thanks to each of you for helping to shape me and to be willing to let me be a part of your lives.  Please don't quit.  I have SO much more to learn and I never want to stop.  I'm still standing on the edge looking out into a very expansive future... and I can do whatever I want with it. 

Now that is awesome.

And believe me when I say, 

I have hope. 

July...

    I have been so busy this month... I finally have like ten min to blog about my adventures this month.  

    As you've already read or know, I spend 4 days in Liberty Missouri visiting my great friend Whitney and her family there.  I could not have picked a better place to vacation!  Missouri is BEAUTIFUL.  Everywhere is lush and open.  It is much different from Utah in that the communities in Utah are close together and don't usually sit on large achers of land.  In Missouri the houses are pointed up like triangles, (because of tornadoes?  We couldn't decide)... where as in Utah the roofs are more like a trapizoid.  They have rain storms that are so cool looking and kinda scary ha ha, but way more intense then anything we see in Utah. Anyway, those are some fun facts about Missouri!  

    I landed saturday afternoon around 2 (1 in utah) p.m. and Whitney was waiting right outside the gate for me!  The airport in KC is way easy to check into and get out of and it's just like it used to be in the old days... (for more info on that just hala and I can explain better... ha) Anyways, we went on a nice drive to see the different places in KC and stopped at a sonic to get hamburgers in a place called Smithfield.  It was the biggest burger I'd ever eaten... as in 2 the size of the ones that are normally served.  It was awesome.  Then we went boating in Smithfield lake and it was warm and wavy and so much fun!  We took the seedoos everywhere and tubed behind them and it was just great fun, and a good way to be welcomed into the place that Whitney calls home. 

    Sunday was bomb-tastic.  We woke up fairly early and drove to Adam Ondi Omen.  Don't worry, there was a crazy storm going on outside, and we drove through it and stuff.  Adam Ondi Omen was the most amazing sight I had ever seen. I was overcome with feelings of peace and tranquility.  It was only slightly raining when we got there and it was just me and whitney there... no one was around.  I can't express in words the beauty of the place, and the peace that it brought to my soul.  I needed the comfort of the holy ghost and a stronger belief in Gods plan for me. After this we went through jamestown (or port?) and it was a little omish town and we saw horse and buggies and the whole deal... it was weird to me to not see any driveways and outhouses in the back of yards etc.  Neat stuff.   Then we went to Far West on our way back to church, and saw the grounds that were laid out for a temple there.  It was beautiful, and I found out that my great great great (I think that many greats) grandpa was born in far west.  We then had dinner with some friends of the neilsens and went to see liberty jail (pictured here.)  After that we played with Ryan, Whitney's boyfriend,'s parents house and played games with them and his grandparents for like 3 hours!  It was so much fun, and definitely I got a good insight from Heavenly Father as to what I need in the family I marry into... they were so great. 

    Monday we got to sleep in a little and went shopping and saw the best of downtown KC.  We went to this place called the Plaza which is like this cute shopping center in downtown KC.  There were fountains places and we went shopping in anthropology and it was just fun.  then after that we went to arthur bryants barbeque which is this world famous bbq place!  It was delish!  Then we went to a real live authentic jazz club called the blue room.  The history of that place is faciating and we had a good time listening the the jazz music in there.  

    Tuesday we went to this cute bakery for breakfast and I kinda got sick to my stomach but after a nap and some drugs I felt better... so then we went swimming with some of Whitney's friends from highschool and ate lunch with these girls.  It was so fun for me to get to know her friends cuz it was like getting to know her life a little better and understand all the stories that she had told me.  After this we took showers and went to linner at Panara bread then I came home to SLC.  So it was a really busy really fantastic weekend with my great friend.  We had some good talks and got to know each other better and I think we helped each other through our trials to face them head on and understand life... a little better... :) 

    This last week we had our family stay-cation vacation.  We went and got pedicures on monday, then went to the days of 47 rodeo with my friends lindley and matt and the handy family.  It was fun! (pictures here...) 

 

    Tuesday was KK's birthday and we went and got french toast at haggermens then went to raging waters for the day (which is still fun btw) and then got dinner and watched psych after opening presents.  She had one special day. :) 

    Wednesday we slept in and then went to the Garff Ranch and rode horses and drove around atv's and stuff it was a thrill.  

    Thursday was our boating day!  We went boating from like 11 till 6... long time, and it totally wore everyone out but it was so fun to see everyone do something behind the boat and to play with the little kids.  They're so great.  After boating we went to this place called Dairy Keen which is a nice little burger joint with trains everywhere.  Then we went home and cleaned the boat etc. 

    Friday was my dad's birthday and the days of 47 parade, so we stayed home and my mom and him enjoyed the parade together.  We then went shooting by utah lake and blew our eardrums to pieces.  It was fun though.  We had a barbeque and presents and swimming at the Zimmermans house to celebrate then presents afterwards with just the single kids.  Good times. 

    That was our crazy week and who knew Utah could be so much fun eh? I'm so grateful to be in a family that is this wonderful.  I love them all so much!  It was a great excuse to spend every minute together and I miss them already.  

    The other excitement sort of thing is that I'm building up important relationships and saying goodbye to some of my best guy friends on their missions and sadly all of them will be gone in no time at all.  I'm proud of all my guy friends but it's hard to say goodbye and face life without them there... you know?  

Wish us all luck on this long and exciting journey called life!! 

Harry Potter and Life

So... another insight.  You ready?? 

So I'm reading harry potter 7 for the second time because I completely forgot about the contents of the book.  It has been really fun for me to have something to read after my long days at work and during my workouts at the gym.  So I'm reading tonight and I get this incredible insight.  Harry is always debating with himself about what to do on each incredible instance that he is faced with.  He either has to choose between what is good, and what is easy.  Now, naturally Harry sees instant gratification and 'answers' within the easy choice (the enticings of Voldemort).  Then we look at Dumbledor who always knows what harry must do, and guides him even while he is no longer physically present with him.  Hum... is this familiar? Interesting??? Harry therefore is the character everyone can relate to. He is us, and the characters surrounding him are (in my mind) like Heavenly Father and Satan and the people that Heavenly Father placed around us to help us, guide us, and protect us.  Like president Kimball used to say, "God sends angels to people on earth through others"... like our friends.  People who save us when we feel like all hope is lost.  Here in Harry Potter 7 is an example of this... 

   "The chain of the horcrux had tightened and was slowly constricting his windpipe. (aka, Satan and how he slowly gets at you... then 'snap' you're choking in sin.)... He was going to drown, there was nothing left, nothing he could do, and the arms that closed around his chest were surely death's... choking and retching, soaking and colder than he had ever been in his life, he came to face down in the snow.  Somewhere close by, another person was panting and coughing and staggering around.  Hermione had come again, as she had come when the snake attacked... yet it did not sound like her... the place where the locket had cut tightly into his flesh was gone.  someone had cut him free... there before him stood Ron, fully dressed and drenched to the skin, his hair plastered to his face, the sword of gryffindor in one hand and the horcrux dangling from its broken chain in the other." 

O how much this simple paragraph from Harry Potter reminds me of my good friends and family.  They seem to know when I need them and they pull me out of a dilapidated state and into a better one.  Being there for me just to vent, or to hug, or to text, or to go to the gym with or whatever.  Each one of you has saved me.  As it says in D&C 121:9 'thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands'.  My friends... I do stand by you in whatever you do and will love you no matter what challenges and trials you face.  Feelings of loneliness and despair are feelings I'm very familiar with, and that Jesus Christ's atonement can help you overcome.  

I take for granted all the amazing things I am privy to in my life. I tend to focus mostly on my flaws, and concentrate on how to better myself, thinking that if I can just do this or that, maybe more happiness will come to me.  But this is not how we become happy.  We need to submerge ourselves in the work, and surround ourselves with good people.  We can not let our individual Satan lockets hobble and hang around our necks until eventually they grab hold of us and take over our lives. 

I guess the main theme of this is that I LOVE the strength and steadiness and always loving hands of my father in heaven, Jesus Christ, my good friends and my beautiful family.  I am so so lucky.  :) 

  

P.S. Please don't get offended by the comparisons I made.  I don't think this was J.K. Rowling's intention, but just an insight I gained tonight as i was pondering (yet again) my life. :) 

Twenty Days

   Well my friends, it's been twenty days since I've blogged... want to know why?  I've not done too much since then... 

  Exciting things that have happened? 

     1.) I ran a ten mile race on the 13th... that was really fun!  I decided the week before that I would do it... and I totally didn't train for it... and my body I swear is still sore... ha!  It was so fun though and it was really good to get me doing a good work out.  I have been super lazy lately... but it's weird cuz I feel like my anemia or something is coming back cuz I'm so tired all the time... lets hope that's not the case! 

      2.)  I went boating with my buddies last friday and it was really fun to get together with my high school friends and be out in the sunshine on a lake!  I miss boating and friends.  It was a good day... 

     3.) I played in a lacrosse tournament thing with my BYU team this last weekend (same day as I went boating and that next day... saturday)  

    - It was so so good to see all my teammates again.  I miss seeing them and playing with them and laughing with (at) them... :)  

    4.) Danielle gave my number to a random boy in her ward to text me and we have been communicating by texting the last few days... Needless to say that's sad that that's a improvement in my life... ha! 

That's really about it.  I'm working at Alta View and finished my swimming lessons for the summer this week (today) except for my sister Kim's kids. My alta view job is going to change to a ten hour shift three times a week so I will hate life pretty much... I'm so not excited!  I've been totally off my game with exercising and sadly that's throwing off my whole life! 

 We switched to AT&T two weeks ago so now I am sportin the blackberry pearl... pink flava.  It's cute and I like how awesome the texting and internet stuff is on it.... but i do miss verizon cuz all my buds were on that network. (cept whit... seriously it was crazy pants)  

   I have been missing church, gaining weight (I swear... it's RE-DICK-A-LOUS) and missing my friends being around me.  I am glad to have everyone be home again and to have SYTYCD on during the summer cuz that makes me happy.  

  I guess that I'm just at that weird summer stage where I'm trying to be good about things, but sadly the summer I was hoping for is not working out.  I am going to start going to institute next week and I will also be better about making time for the lord and the gospel.  I know that this will bring me great happiness and I need to be better about it.  

It's kinda like I'm starting over for the fourth time this summer.  Middle school, High school, college, and now whatever this place is that I'm entering... where my guy friends are ALL gone, my girlfriends are moved away for the summer (not all of them... but most it seems...) people I've grown up with are getting married and having babies, and my family and I are just getting through the days trying to stay positive.  

Life really is good.  And I'm so lucky to be healthy, active, have a strong healthy family, have education and the gospel, have the advances of technology to keep me easily in contact with my friends, and have my parents taking care of me practically this summer.  I need to keep these things in mind instead of the stupid things that seem to ALWAYS be on my mind.  

Blast being a woman. ;) 

Love... Is not an easy thing... (song.)

Nuf Said. 

   We should all have a guide to love.  This is what it is... this is what it isn't... this is what I want it to be... but blah blah blah.  I need a road map.  Here you'll find a mistake of a guy that will make you learn what you need in your last find... prince charming.  I'm 19 and it's summer and I'm finally starting to feel that loneliness of not having been interested in a guy for a year... yeah... I'm rediculous.  Writing this all out on my blog is a desperate cry for help.  but... I would like some. HAHA.... anyways. I am only 19 though.  I have so so so so much more living to do. :)

Nuf Said. 

O that time of the year.

                        Congrats. Summer is here. 

    Reasons I feel this way... 

1. Swimming lessons started for me this week.  That's how I know it is the time of year for pools and children and fun. O the joys. :)

2. SUNBURNED body. I couldn't sleep last night on my back because it was so reddened from the sun.  

3. I'm working out outside instead of at the gym. I LOVE THE WARMNESS OF 8 IN THE MORNING. Perfect running weather. 

4. There are children and teenagers wherever I go. This one I don't love so much. 

5. I can go to bed whenever I want to and pretty much wake up whenever I want to before 9 because that's when I teach lessons ha ha ha. Last night I went to be at 10:30... I haven't done that since I ran a 10k last summer. It felt good. 

6. It's race time. I ran a family 5k with my family this last weekend.  It was like a celebration for my birthday and all the fam. came to be with me. It was wonderful and I think everyone had a good time.  I have 3 more races before school starts and I'm so excited! 

7. My birthday just happened on sunday. It was so great, thanks to everyone who made me feel special. 

8. My family just seems to be more happy and willing to do things. It's so wonderful. 

                   (this picture is titled kelsey playing in the sun.)

9. My nephews are taking swimming so it seems like they like me better in the summer... weird eh? 

10. My friends are getting married. engaged. whatever. So Weird but summer does make people fall in love. 

     ~Except it seems me. ha ha ha ha... just kiddin. 

Kansas City... here I come.

   Man o man, I bought my first plane ticket somewhere on my own with my own money.  How crazy pants am I?  I feel like I'm growing up!  I'm doing things on my own and I'm so excited to spend some time with my friend and learn as much about her town and state as she knows about mine... Thanks Whit!  This is going to be such a fun time. :)   

A blog post to no one, but always in my thoughts.

   I am in constant pursual of something EVERY day, and I work so hard to accomplish this goal, but I seem to never make progress.  I feel like I should just give up.  Each time I try and don't succeed a tinsey part of me dies.  Small fragments of this high hope and aspiration fall uncared for to the ground, trampled upon by the ugly feet of life.  I wonder how much I have left in me. Should I give up and just let fate take over?  Hope is a tricky thing.  It's glorious, and wonderful to hang on to, but it is also hard.  My hopes are so large they will take time to accomplish but I want them all to happen to me instantly.  It's hard to put in the work, and not see the results.  'I need some help some inspiration'.  I know that there is hope in Jesus Christ.  That all things are made possible by and through him.  I also know that everything happens according to God's time, but it's always hard to understand that when loneliness takes over.  I can't do it alone, and I need friends and family around me.  I am independent and okay on my own, but I'm so so much better when I have loved ones by my side.  I guess in a nut-shell I'm pleading with myself and others to be aware of ways to improve and to help lives. It's never going to hurt to say hello, or compliment someone for little things they think go unnoticed.  It's also a great to acknowledge when someone has done a good job on something but be sincere about it.  But most of all, it's important to be people's Friends... through good, bad, ugly, and hard.  That's why we're human, to care and lift and love.  

One reason I love Utah

Out of many reason I love living in utah is the activity that is possible here!  I was looking at what races i want to do this summer and seeing that there are so many different choices of places, times, prices, etc. within the 4 months of summer.  I have like 8 races that I want to do, but need to narrow those down to like 3 races... and... if paul will ever get back to me, do a triathalon... but... I don't think that's going to happen ;).  Anyway, I heart utah.... and running... and good springtime weather. 

The one you've been waiting for.

     It's time to blog about BYU - My first year of college is over. 

      What do I have to say about my experience?  It was a good one.  In talking to my mom the other day about everything under the sun and especially my life, I realized that the last year of school has been one of absolute learning.  There were a few good times like when Whitney and I made a random wal-mart run, or when brandi and I exercised at 11:01 in the parking lot so that I wouldn't get my car booted, and when I went on various trips with my lacrosse friends or whitney would come to my house for sunday dinner, watching Jazz games no matter what pressing matters I had to do that night for school the next day, wasting time with Whitney while we worked, enjoying all of my roommates drama that I never had etc... but overall, it was hard. 

     It was hard to live in a room with a girl who had PT (personal training for ROTC) every morning at 5:45, and sometimes combinations of smells were not at all pleasant to live with (some having been caused by me I'm sure)... and coming home every night from school to the lights being off and her sleeping so I'd have to be super quiet etc.  But... what did I learn from this? 

*If this is all the problems you ever had with your roommate, you're super lucky, and look at it as more of a blessing. 

     School was always hard for me, from day one.  I struggled getting into BYU, and the struggle for greatness in school has not ceased.  First semester I had to learn how to deal with disappointment after disappointment with test grades.  It felt like everyone around me was doing better then I was and that for sure I wouldn't make it through the year.  But I held on, and learned SO much from my classes, especially the ones I loved like women's studies, nutrition, and aerobics. I had to learn that as long as I was trying my hardest in everything I did in school, somehow I would end out okay.  It helped me to prepare for a much more stressful semester in the winter.  

*Leaning on heavenly father for comfort is always okay.  He's never gone.  As Elder Benson (I believe) said many times, often God answers prayers through other people.  God answered my prayers by giving me strong support systems in my family and friends and the opportunity to find a best friend on my floor who became like a sister to me through both of our struggles this year, and also my brother who was there for me every day, and I was there for him.

All my friends had boyfriends, and I hardly even dated this year.  That is just the story of my life.  You'd think I'd not let it get to me anymore, but it's harder when you've felt lonely for a long time and you see everyone around you happy in their relationships.  But I've learned so much from observing them and helping them to get through trials in their relationships. 

*My last post on love shows you what I've learned there.  I've had time to find myself again, to be confident in my abilities and to learn more what I want for my future.

     Dealing with life's changes is hard. Me having to live with the reality of what I am and who I am every day has been hard.  I seemed to have lost my identity in the maze of over achieving driven kids that is BYU.  I had to remember who I was and what made me unique, and I would go to bed every night questioning what the purpose was for me putting myself through all the hard times.  I've hopefully figured it out now, and will be better next year about what I do with my days and befriending people. 

    Lacrosse was a huge highlight for me this year.  I believe that without it I would not have come back for semester #2 at BYU.  I think I would have moved out and gone to the U where people seem not to be so judgmental etc.  Lacrosse was a perfect outlet for me, and a great way to meet friends.  I learned how to improve every day my performance because I never knew what the coach is going to do, or what kind of respect I could get from teammates. 

*This should be a lesson for life. We should always improve ourselves every day because our father in heaven will give us blessings, and others will see the changes and give us respect for making those changes. 

     The last life lesson that I learned from my first year of college was that it is okay to rely on people for help.  It's okay to be sad, we all are sad lots of times in our lives.  I have always tried to be a positive person.  I try not to be dramatic or dwell on the negative things, but sometimes that gets hard and life gets you down.  I had to learn that that was okay, and that a good cry every now and then is cathartic.  I learned that people are always willing to listen if you give them the chance, especially people who love you like my mom who was ALWAYS there for me when I would go through a hard time or Kyle, who would give me encouragement or advice when I was feeling down.  It's okay also to rely on your faith to get through trials and struggles.  We are not yet as Job, and we must remember that God carries us through our hard times.  

Thanks for being there as a support to me through reading my blog this past year.  My blog has been the best thing for me to keep as sort of a journal/way to express my feelings and my insights.  Loves. :) 

P.S.  This summer I will be a running machine (hence the picture) I tell you what, and I'm going to do weight watchers... any tips from past 'Weight Watchers' that I should know? :)  

Jenn and me after our 1/2 marathon last august. 

DONE!!!

YAY!

One week... and 3 days... and freedom will be mine.

I'm almost there!  I can't believe it.  I also can't wait till I'm back in my home and back on schedule.  I'm so happy to have made it through 2 semesters of college... my first year is almost over.  I will post after I'm done with it all, but just as a catch up... I have one more tournament that is friday through sunday and then 3 days of finals and then SHOOT SON I'm outta provo.  can't wait.  loves. 

P.P.S. happy easter!  It's been a good little holiday. :)

Take some time...

to think about this picture. What comes to mind about the beauty of the moment, and the feelings she may be feeling and reminded of when she's smelling the rose?? Think of love... in all the forms you know to be true... (Now make sure that "I want a love that will last" by Renee Olstead is playing while you read this... :))

I have been pondering a lot today about my life and what I want of it.  Yes, I ponder a lot because I have a lot of time to myself.  My closest friends have boyfriends, people are getting

 engaged left and right, and of course, I'm at BYU so I can't get away from COUPLES... gross byu couples.  But anyway, I love these boyfriends of my friends, and I know that the people I know who are getting engaged are happily in love, but I have wondered what my deal is. I'm not complaining now mind you, I'm just figuring things out.  Like for example, there are many different kinds of love.  Let me elaborate about this a little and express to you things that I have learned about love. (so minimal, but still... :)) 

1.) I have a love of learning from everything I experience.  If that hasn't been apparent in this blog, then now you know, I like to experience things that will help me grow and develop personally so that I can be the best version of myself.  (ex: when I don't go along with invitations to hang out because I have 'things' to do, I usually end up disappointed in my night, so I have learned to go with those opportunities and try to enjoy them as much as i can... little thing to make a difference... ) 

2.) Love for family.  Yeah, this is a given having gone away from home and living away from a natural reach of my parents and siblings.  I have a great love for how much my parents do for me, and for how they raised me.  I have noticed many times throughout the semester what my parents have taught me to keep me strong and independent and not reliable on others for my happiness (if that make sense).  It helps me to recognize when my attitude needs to change, and notice when some sort of external force is working on me and getting into my brain, that makes me be unhappy.  

3.) Love for friends.  This one's kinda personal... I have a great love for GOOD friends.  People who don't leave your side, and people who you don't want to leave yours.  I have learned so much from my friends this year.  Brandi has taught me patience and acceptance.  Brandi works so hard at being open to life's challenges, and I've never seen her get upset at a problem that faces her, she has such a great attitude about it.  I've admired that so much this year, and have grown so much from it.  Whitney has the kindest heart.  I've seen it on so many different occasions; how much she cares for friends who she's hardly seen or kept in contact with, her love for her special needs friends, her great relationship with her parents and her man Ryan, and with me. She's always the first to say hello or notice how I'm doing and ask how my day is.  I've grown up from being around her and have learned to be more kind and understanding of people.  Lindley has taught me a different kind of patience... a patience that comes through hardship and trials.  I admire how well she's kept herself together and how beautiful you can tell she is from every angle.  Anna teaches me something new every time i see her or hear about her.  She knows how to live life to the fullest every day, and take every opportunity she can to be happy.  I've always admired how happy and positive she stays, and how her application of what she's learned through studies of humanities has opened her creative energies so much and given her the opportunity to grow and develop her life.  Ness teaches me to smile and laugh at myself.  We've had similar experiences this year and we've both had opportunities to grow as people.  It's been nice to have her to talk to and to lean on for help even though she's so far away. There are so many more people who i love deeply as great friends, and all my family members would take way to long to mention... I love them and have grown more from them then from any other persons. 

4.) Love for my father in heaven and his son Jesus Christ.  I don't see how people could go through college without the knowledge that there is a God, and that with him all things will be okay.  My humanities teacher put it this way.  "Life, is chaotic, but there is a person who is in control of the chaos".  The interesting thing about this is that we were talking about existentialism and how they don't believe that there is a God, they believe in the notion 'I think therefore I am'.  You decide your destiny, but there is always someone in control... and I'm so glad that I know that there is a father in heaven who is in control of my life even when I make it a messy/crazy one.  

5.) Romantic love... A love once lost will not be the same again, but can grow other kinds of love.  I fully believe in romantic love.  I see it everyday, and help people face their romantic love problems the majority of the time. (I sort of live vicariously through my advice to them and their stories he he) I know that romantic love is hard, but it should have inside it all the different loves to make it an all encompacing truth that you live by.  I believe that romantic love will happen to me again someday.  Probably when I least expect it.  I miss the joy and the feelings of having someone love you and care about you who is a man.. ha ha! :) But for now i'm very content with life.  I just need the components of romantic love, not the crazyness of a man and romantic love ha ha ha... anyway...   

All this leads to one deepest of thoughts... 

Love (like life) is what you make it.

I'm going to be better.. I just want everyone and myself to know that I'm changing, and that I'm very in love with life.  :)  

It's been a while!

          I haven't blogged for like two weeks... how odd is that!  It's been so busy for me lately.  I haven't had the time to just chill out... and here I am tonight.  Today (and this weekend...) I just have been hanging out not doing studying and catching up-ish on my life.  O how wonderful.  It's so tempting to just eat and watch Friends and to not go to school.  Tomorrow I must get to work.  I have another long wednesday.  Anyway, last weekend I went to colorado with my teammates and it was great.  I had such a fun time even though I was reluctant to go.  That's when all the good things seem to happen when you don't want to go and things just seem to be turning out wrong.  We won 1 of our 3 games, but I played in all of them and it was worth it to have a great time away from BYU.  I'm so so so done with the dorms, the bathrooms here where when you just want to relieve yourself a questionable stench permiates the porcelan thrown and the stall and the canc.  Can't wait till I can live at home.  But i've been thinking about that a lot lately, and I will miss my roommate, and our laughs, and the girls on my floor and seeing whitney everyday... that's what's going to be the craziest part about moving back home.  I only have two more weeks ish left.  It's gone by so fast.  I'm making a pact to not let any great moments pass me by next sememter.  I'm going to meet a lot of boys and make a lot of new friends and just have a great college experience.  I've also decided that I want to work in a hospital this summer and I'm actually hoping to get my CNA.  So I guess a lot of things have changed since last I wrote on my blog.... Well I love life... lets go on with it! :) 

p.s. these are my roommates for next year... :) yay

Provoking thought...

So as I was reading some selections from Frued for my Humanities class, I had this feeling... when is the point in which you truly appreciate your past and lean on hopes for the future to help you become what your ideal self?  EX: I was once a chubby chubster.  Very large for a 12 year old girl.  I have made my life into a world that pretty much revolves around fitness... my major, my passions... pretty much deal with health and fitness!  So, how did this happen?  And when did I reach that point of contentedness that I feel I am in right now?  I think it was after my first semester of college when I decided that i was quite normal, and that I was quite happy with being a strong and fit girl, stead of being a sticky one... :)  Happy day to ya. 

Girls night

Today has been such a wonderful and beautiful day.  It felt like true Utah springtime... my favorite of all the seasons because of the prospect of summer and a break from snow!! 

:) I worked out this morning, went to a shower for my friend Emily, and then laid and played in the sun for two hours.  I was with brandi and we just talked, did a little homework, and enjoyed the opportunity to be outside without a jacket and shorts on!!!  I also bought some underarmor shorts from my gym for only 12 dollars!  How awesome is that! It's been good.  To end out the night, I got songs on my phone and made this wonderful frame for my room and appartment next year and will make another one sometime soon.  Along with that I

 got to spend some fun time with my family, so all in all, life is good.  I've been realizing so much lately how lucky I am to live the life I do.  The things I worry about are so little in the whole skeem of things.  I don't have to question if i'll have food to eat or a comfortable place to sleep, or that I'll get shot during the night.  Utah is such a safe place in comparison to the rest of the world.  I'm just happy to have my privileges and need to be more grateful for them.     Anyways, here's a picture of my frame! :) 

Should I go five?

It's been four days since I showered.  I think that's QUITE enough of the no shower... Yet.  I'm tempted to go five.  Who knows, maybe it'll bring me the men.  I'm gettin so lonely. 

I think Degas had it right in this picture.  I feel this way sometimes... ;) too much 'absent' (a spiked drink that was more like today's equiv. of cocaine.)

O ya baby

TIny insight into life...

"The Power of One"

My humanities class is bomb.  As Anna says, the word bomb is all encompassing... it's better then the bestest... Absolute.  Pretty much these two pictures are bomb.  They give me hope.  I believe experiencing trials and coming out on top is one of the greatest things we can do in this life.  It is more admirable then making millions of dollars, being famous for playing sports well, being a well-known author, actor, or community leader.  Each individual trial we overcome in this life is a stepping stone towards what is the very best, absolute = Heaven.  If we, like this picture of the women holding back what seems to be an entire army, hold off all of the hardships, temptations, and just plain old crap that Satan and his army throw at us, we will make a difference to ourselves and many others.  We will come out on top like the man on the mountain.

  (Caspar Friedrich, Traveler looking over the sea of fog. 1818)

This man seems to be on the presipus of his life looking over in Fear? with Hope? deep in Thought? experiencing Feeling?- you interpret for yourself- but to me this painting makes you feel something awesome (awe-some).  It is a reminder to me that each day we have the chance to look over what we want to learn from yesterday (the hard climb up the mountain), experience today (enjoying the top), and make for tomorrow (the surroundings of untangible atmosphere).  The VASTNESS of the future is sublime... it is important to take something out of each experience of life and remember the good times... To try not to look so much into what could, would, and should be the future, but at what can and will be today.  

   Thanks for all the good advice etc. Mamma, Daddy, Kim, Danielle, Paul, Spencer, Chris, Jacee, Katie, Kyle, Jeff, Brandi, Lindley, Whitney, Anna, Ness, Tanner, Carla, etc etc etc!!!  :)  

Loves to you all.  

Life is good... Each day is a blessing. 

Live each day like it was your last.   

P.S. - Talk about being reflective this sememster!!! I'm growing into grandmother willow.