Reason number two. This year I've been trying to be less selfish and more kind to others. To think of what others need before my own needs, but this week with christmas coming and living in sandy for a few weeks, I've been more selfish then ever. Isn't it ironic how when we are supposed to be focusing on others and what they need from us, I focused (and I'm sure we've all kind of understood this) on myself and what I needed to do. It's HORID and I'm trying to be better... but I feel sort of relief at the fact that just reading for fun is possible.
Reason number three. I have had a job since almost the second I turned 16. I have taught piano lessons, worked as a ref, worked as a busser, worked as a newspaper editor, worked as a swimming teacher, worked as a coach, worked as a diet tech in a hospital, and now I am working at bath and body works. I don't know why i've been programed to think that I need a job all of the time, but it's been a really benificial thing I think. I've learned a lot through my various jobs, but still, I am not happy in these jobs. Bath and Body is fun, but I don't love working. (who does)... so Irony in this is that I make myself do things that I don't want to do... stupid kelsey... o well.
Reason number four. I have been talking myself in and out of this boy for the last two years. I have been avoiding my heart and mind, I have been digging into the scriptures and prayer for answers, but never really taking time to figure it out slowly with deep thought... It seems that no matter what I do, he comes back into my life, things with him and without him happen, and I don't know what I should feel. It scares me to think that this could be the only true relationship I'll ever experience, yet the more I think about it and forever, the more I like the idea. My friends are getting engaged left and right, or falling into like with people, or having boys tell them that they love them, but me? I've been dating boys in and out of the ward, and have had no such luck with any of them. It was all easier when I didn't date anyone last year, and never let my heart think about relationships. Irony? Again, I'm possibly making myself miserable by the decisions I make every day. What should I do about it all? I'll avoid that thought for another year and a half. ;)
Last one. My college career and life plans. The more and more I think about what I want to do with the next few years of my life, the less and less I get excited about it. That's the wrong way to think about things isn't it? I should be excited at the prospect of being in the health field somehow or teaching people about health myself. I should be excited to work towards my goals, but mostly I'm scared. Is that normal? I dunno.
all in all... I'm confused. I thought that the break may help me to figure all this out, but now I am unsure. I'm scared... and I feel pressure from some outside force to figure it all out...
ANY SUGGESTIONS? Sorry blog and readers. You function as both my journal and my outlet for answers.
2 comments:
You seriously crack me up! I think you are over-annalizing everything. You have lots of time to worry about boys. Just do what you know is right and be yourself. The answers will come when the time is right.
I am not too much of a help. I am still trying to figure this out myself and I have been done with school for a while. I would suggest that you do what you love to do. Learn what you love to learn. Then cope with what you can do outside of the world of school.
There are many classes that I wished I had taken that are not anywhere in my field. Classes that would help me to understand the world a little better (not that I would graduate in them). Even without those, I have learned from my job a TON about business. Again, nothing to do with my major.
Don't push answers. They will come. And sometimes, maybe most of the time, the answer will be that it doesn't matter really. Just keep doing the small things that we are asked to do, and things will somehow fall into place. :)
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