I'm waiting, patiently now, for that day when my posts change from being 'all about me' to being 'all about us'. The wonderful thing is that it is really just something that I know is in my future, but not the immediate one. In talking to my good friend Jeff today, we both realized that yes, there is a God, and yes, he omniscient. We know nothing concrete about our futures day by day, but through following the gospel, and the promptings of the Holy Ghost, our visions of a 'future' become more clear. My vision of the future is the most clear it has ever been, even though it is maybe the most ever changing. Let me explain.
At the beginning of this week (Monday) I had a breakdown. I went to a play with my family, and that was a lot of fun, but I was starting a new job the next day, feeling overwhelmed with school and work responsibilities, lacrosse worries and got some interesting opinions from my parents about dating. I just felt (yet again) like I was all alone. Like I didn't have anyone who could really understand me. So I called up my mom, as she (even when I may be upset with her) is the most calming and understanding person ever. She talked me through every single aspect of my worries, and then just simply said, "Kels, it will all be alright. Your timing is perfect, and it is imperfect, but you are not in charge of the timing." I realized that what really needed to happen was that I needed to have a discussion with my Father in Heaven. What am I to do? What decisions am I supposed to make? Who am I really?
I have slowly, but surely, received answers. I woke up the next day with more peace about life then I have had in a long time (and so did my mom). My Dad and I went to a symphony this Friday, and he is so calming and kind. Thank you Dad, for helping me to see life for what it is, and be grateful. I love you! I am loving coaching, and on Wednesday became the head coach of the Lone Peak Girls Lacrosse team. This is an absolute dream for me to already be living out. It (currently) works out well in my schedule, and helps me to be busy, but with good things. I have been humbled to an extreme this week, and that was a much needed blessing. I have felt overwhelmed to the max, but over blessed. I KNOW that I am meant to travel and see things that will change my life. I know I am meant to serve a mission with my Parents. I am meant to serve them, and their missionaries. I have been prepared for this kind of a job. I will constantly prepare to become worthy to teach the gospel. I believe, even more now, that timing is relative. I must be patient.
We have a loving Father in Heaven, who through the atonement of his son Jesus Christ, made it possible for us to have Eternal life, and endless peace. We are all so blessed. No matter the circumstance, life is good. We are alive. We chose the plan of Jehovah, and we are endlessly blessed because of that decision if we just look for those blessings in the little things. I am so grateful for the Gospel. I am eternally grateful for my family. For my Parents especially this week. I will miss them. A lot. But, already their call has blessed my life in ways I couldn't have imagined, and the lives of my family. I can't wait to see the good work the Lord enables them to do. Thank you both for letting me grow. You have given me my wings. I am eternally grateful for that, and so much more.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
An Endless Pursuit
I've been saying this phrase a lot lately... "Life is interesting, and I like it". It feels like since the Christmas holidays, I have had a change in mindset and have not fully been able to understand why, but here is my attempt...
I think that the first reason why I feel 'different' then I did only a few months ago is I gained some extra self-confidence and self-esteem... i think that this is an endless pursuit... something that I will forever be working on, and working towards. It is a fun pursuit because I am consistently learning more about myself and about people in general. I also believe that I have more direction in my life then I have ever had before. My family is very supportive of me, and my Dad especially is helping me to accomplish my dreams. I love that I just have to get through this semester, and then I will be in Europe, (with only 35 lbs. of luggage for 30 days...) and then off to serve the Lord! How wonderful.
I am not eloquent, but I do know that life is good. And I am so so lucky to be the person I am, with the family I have, and the friends.
Just as a small update about my life... I am currently taking about 15 credits at school, coaching a Varsity girls lacrosse team for Lone Peak High, and working 12-15 hours for a software company that is based in Provo. I am playing Lacrosse this year (as for reals my last year) and that is keeping me really busy (and active... ya!). I have 2 more days left on my 24 hour pass, and that breaks my heart... he he. I am currently looking for housing for the last year of my college life!!! My family just got our floor re-finished, and BYU basketball is da bomb. (not so much the Jazz currently, but we're hoping for the best...) I am dating a few boys, and it is just an all around good time.
I think that the first reason why I feel 'different' then I did only a few months ago is I gained some extra self-confidence and self-esteem... i think that this is an endless pursuit... something that I will forever be working on, and working towards. It is a fun pursuit because I am consistently learning more about myself and about people in general. I also believe that I have more direction in my life then I have ever had before. My family is very supportive of me, and my Dad especially is helping me to accomplish my dreams. I love that I just have to get through this semester, and then I will be in Europe, (with only 35 lbs. of luggage for 30 days...) and then off to serve the Lord! How wonderful.
I am not eloquent, but I do know that life is good. And I am so so lucky to be the person I am, with the family I have, and the friends.
Just as a small update about my life... I am currently taking about 15 credits at school, coaching a Varsity girls lacrosse team for Lone Peak High, and working 12-15 hours for a software company that is based in Provo. I am playing Lacrosse this year (as for reals my last year) and that is keeping me really busy (and active... ya!). I have 2 more days left on my 24 hour pass, and that breaks my heart... he he. I am currently looking for housing for the last year of my college life!!! My family just got our floor re-finished, and BYU basketball is da bomb. (not so much the Jazz currently, but we're hoping for the best...) I am dating a few boys, and it is just an all around good time.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Oh There's No Place Like Home (for the holidays)
Well the Christmas holiday is over, but there is still so much left to celebrate. It has been so much fun just being home with my family these last few days. I have been SO lazy, and I feel like I have probably gained a few unwanted pounds. I always tell myself, 'Kels, you're going to be better this break and no over-indulged too much' but that thought never comes to fruition. I have been ultra lazy (sorry mom) and have been sleeping in till 10:30 almost every day this week. I have also been staying up late catching up on books I've been wanting to read since the summer, and movies or television shows that I missed due to the hectic life of a Junior in college. It has been really fun talking to missed old, and good friends of mine, and learning again what an important thing my family is to me.
We have had a lot of celebrations here at the Clayton home. We have been doing our Ballard family Christmas party, the Mo-tab Christmas concert and the first presidency devotional (two of my favorite things about Christmas). We have had the family over to celebrate Christmas eve and Christmas day. We have given out our neighborhood gifts, and seen movies and all the wonderful times of EATING with the family. I have thouroughly enjoyed so much of this break, and lucky for me I still have a week left to relax and enjoy the stress-free life of my family here in Sandy.
As we are approaching a new year, and for me the beginning of so much adventure, I wanted to take some time to reflect on the blessings I have received this year. It has been an amazing 2010, and I'm definitely looking forward to 2011.
1.) My parents received a call to serve as mission presidents in ??? and are leaving at the end of June. Now at first, I thought that this wasn't a blessing, but a very sad and lonely step backward for me. No mom or dad to comfort me during my last year (ish) of college? No dad to take care of me (financially and otherwise) whom I can just drive home to in a few minutes? What if he's not their for my wedding?? How sad would I be... Etc. Etc. Etc. BUT. This was truly an answer to my prayers. One of my best friends, Brandi, left on her mission in August, and when she was preparing to leave, I had a strong impression that I should start preparing myself to do the same. This was confusing to me, because I had so much more I wanted to do, and didn't every truly think I'd serve a mission... well needless to say, I will now have the opportunity to serve, but not in the way that tradition may have a girl of 21 serve. I will be able to go out into the field with my parents, and be of service to them and the missionaries for a few months (July and August) until school starts back up in the fall. If I feel it is right to stay longer, than I will, and what a blessing that would be to me as well.
2.) My brother got married this year to a wonderful girl. We have been falling in love with little Mrs. Ashley Clayton. What a blessing she has been to our lives, and to the life of my brother. He is so happy, and so willing to help out. He has been anxious to provide, and has really grown into a man. That was definitely an exciting part of 2010.
3.) I got the chance again to room with 3 wonderful girls, who I will never ever forget, and will always love. They are my best friends, and are such a blessing to me. They have been there for me through the thick and thin, and they make me feel like I am of worth. What a wonderful group of girls, and I'm excited to jump right in to a new semester with them around. Hopefully, next fall we will again be able to room, but there my be some changes, and that is kind of sad. However, we are growing up together and loving the experiences we are lucky to have.
4.) I have had 4 jobs this year! I worked at bath and body works (I quit that in October), I have worked as a TA for a fantastic (really, I got so lucky to be his TA this year... he is the dean of the Health department, and also my stake president... who'da thunk.) I got a new job working for a software company (totally not my thing, but it pays well and is only about 6-10 hours a week), and I was able to coach a few lacrosse clinics (that was a highlight of my summer as well!) How lucky am I in this economy to have never been without a job.
5.) All my guy friends from high school who were a year older than me came home from their missions, and were able to live in Provo with me, just across the street in a fun complex down there. I has been so much fun to be able to live by close friends who I know I can turn to when I need help or guidance or whatever else it may be. One of them is getting married in March, so that is crazy, but we are all very excited for him, and I think some of the boys are even very jealous of him ha ha... ;)
6.) I have amazing friends who are serving missions all over the world, and they are a constant blessing, and help to me. I am so grateful for the work they are doing, and that my relationships with their families are still there. I miss them all very much, and am excited for the day when all my friends can be back!!!
7.) I was able to run a 1/2 marathon with my sister and three of my very good friends down in St. George. For them, it was their first time running in a long race, but for me it was hardly even a challenge, meaning, I should probably up my game and do a marathon, but I'll have to wait till fall of 2011 to do that one I think... ;) I am so proud of Katie, and all that she has done this year. What a wonderful example of selfless love and sacrifice she is. I love that girl!!
8.) I got accepted into the study abroad program (listed below) for the spring of 2011.. What a dream come true!
9.) My lacrosse team went to the national championship this summer, an experience I may never have again, and am so grateful I got to be an active part in. I really hope I never loose the memories of that week in Arizona. For one of the first times in my life I felt like a true athlete, and that was really a great feeling. Also, we won our regional championship tournament by one point in the last two minutes of the game, and so this year (2011) we get to host it! First time in our franchise history that has happened.
10.) I traveled a lot this year! I had been to California, Colorado, St. George, St. Louis, Arizona, Park City (okay, so not a destination really, but a vacation for sure), and Hawaii! The same will be said of 2011 except just throw in Italy, France, and England... also a spanish speaking mission and that'll about cover it... :)
I know there are a whole host of other things that happened to me this year, but I am so grateful that I was able to be there. I have had a lot of trials, but I have learned so much from them. I have dated a few boys, and learned a lot about myself and relationships. I have strengthened friendships, and learned to not be as judgmental of people. I have been cavity free for over 3 years no (knock on wood ha ha), I have an amazing family who just keeps on growing and loving and learning right along with me. I have taken steps forward into the unknown, and had to trust my faith in our father in heaven through it all.
I am so grateful for the gospel. I know it is true. With it I have everything I need and more, and I can not wait until the time comes when I can share that knowledge with people in a foreign (or at least different) land. 2010 has been great, but I have a feeling that 2011 will be even better.
We have had a lot of celebrations here at the Clayton home. We have been doing our Ballard family Christmas party, the Mo-tab Christmas concert and the first presidency devotional (two of my favorite things about Christmas). We have had the family over to celebrate Christmas eve and Christmas day. We have given out our neighborhood gifts, and seen movies and all the wonderful times of EATING with the family. I have thouroughly enjoyed so much of this break, and lucky for me I still have a week left to relax and enjoy the stress-free life of my family here in Sandy.
As we are approaching a new year, and for me the beginning of so much adventure, I wanted to take some time to reflect on the blessings I have received this year. It has been an amazing 2010, and I'm definitely looking forward to 2011.
1.) My parents received a call to serve as mission presidents in ??? and are leaving at the end of June. Now at first, I thought that this wasn't a blessing, but a very sad and lonely step backward for me. No mom or dad to comfort me during my last year (ish) of college? No dad to take care of me (financially and otherwise) whom I can just drive home to in a few minutes? What if he's not their for my wedding?? How sad would I be... Etc. Etc. Etc. BUT. This was truly an answer to my prayers. One of my best friends, Brandi, left on her mission in August, and when she was preparing to leave, I had a strong impression that I should start preparing myself to do the same. This was confusing to me, because I had so much more I wanted to do, and didn't every truly think I'd serve a mission... well needless to say, I will now have the opportunity to serve, but not in the way that tradition may have a girl of 21 serve. I will be able to go out into the field with my parents, and be of service to them and the missionaries for a few months (July and August) until school starts back up in the fall. If I feel it is right to stay longer, than I will, and what a blessing that would be to me as well.
2.) My brother got married this year to a wonderful girl. We have been falling in love with little Mrs. Ashley Clayton. What a blessing she has been to our lives, and to the life of my brother. He is so happy, and so willing to help out. He has been anxious to provide, and has really grown into a man. That was definitely an exciting part of 2010.
3.) I got the chance again to room with 3 wonderful girls, who I will never ever forget, and will always love. They are my best friends, and are such a blessing to me. They have been there for me through the thick and thin, and they make me feel like I am of worth. What a wonderful group of girls, and I'm excited to jump right in to a new semester with them around. Hopefully, next fall we will again be able to room, but there my be some changes, and that is kind of sad. However, we are growing up together and loving the experiences we are lucky to have.
4.) I have had 4 jobs this year! I worked at bath and body works (I quit that in October), I have worked as a TA for a fantastic (really, I got so lucky to be his TA this year... he is the dean of the Health department, and also my stake president... who'da thunk.) I got a new job working for a software company (totally not my thing, but it pays well and is only about 6-10 hours a week), and I was able to coach a few lacrosse clinics (that was a highlight of my summer as well!) How lucky am I in this economy to have never been without a job.
5.) All my guy friends from high school who were a year older than me came home from their missions, and were able to live in Provo with me, just across the street in a fun complex down there. I has been so much fun to be able to live by close friends who I know I can turn to when I need help or guidance or whatever else it may be. One of them is getting married in March, so that is crazy, but we are all very excited for him, and I think some of the boys are even very jealous of him ha ha... ;)
6.) I have amazing friends who are serving missions all over the world, and they are a constant blessing, and help to me. I am so grateful for the work they are doing, and that my relationships with their families are still there. I miss them all very much, and am excited for the day when all my friends can be back!!!
7.) I was able to run a 1/2 marathon with my sister and three of my very good friends down in St. George. For them, it was their first time running in a long race, but for me it was hardly even a challenge, meaning, I should probably up my game and do a marathon, but I'll have to wait till fall of 2011 to do that one I think... ;) I am so proud of Katie, and all that she has done this year. What a wonderful example of selfless love and sacrifice she is. I love that girl!!
8.) I got accepted into the study abroad program (listed below) for the spring of 2011.. What a dream come true!
9.) My lacrosse team went to the national championship this summer, an experience I may never have again, and am so grateful I got to be an active part in. I really hope I never loose the memories of that week in Arizona. For one of the first times in my life I felt like a true athlete, and that was really a great feeling. Also, we won our regional championship tournament by one point in the last two minutes of the game, and so this year (2011) we get to host it! First time in our franchise history that has happened.
10.) I traveled a lot this year! I had been to California, Colorado, St. George, St. Louis, Arizona, Park City (okay, so not a destination really, but a vacation for sure), and Hawaii! The same will be said of 2011 except just throw in Italy, France, and England... also a spanish speaking mission and that'll about cover it... :)
I know there are a whole host of other things that happened to me this year, but I am so grateful that I was able to be there. I have had a lot of trials, but I have learned so much from them. I have dated a few boys, and learned a lot about myself and relationships. I have strengthened friendships, and learned to not be as judgmental of people. I have been cavity free for over 3 years no (knock on wood ha ha), I have an amazing family who just keeps on growing and loving and learning right along with me. I have taken steps forward into the unknown, and had to trust my faith in our father in heaven through it all.
I am so grateful for the gospel. I know it is true. With it I have everything I need and more, and I can not wait until the time comes when I can share that knowledge with people in a foreign (or at least different) land. 2010 has been great, but I have a feeling that 2011 will be even better.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Europe.
"Ever since I was a little girl, and my family hosted an exchange student from France, I have longed to experience first hand the place I know only through textbook pages and lecture slides, Europe. This intriguing part of the world is the home to brilliant masterpieces from classical antiquity to modern abstraction. The European art history study abroad program covers some of the most impactful episodes of art history from the extravagant Sistine Chapel in Rome to the mystical Mona Lisa in Paris. For me, art is fantastic because of its emotional impact. Einstein once said of art, "The most beautiful emotion we can experience is the mysterious… to sense that behind anything that can be experienced there is something that our minds cannot grasp, whose beauty and sublimity reach us only indirectly.” I believe that art holds within it mysteries that each person molds and shapes into their own individual truths. One of my favorite paintings from the Romantic era is of a man looking out from the top of a mountain into a distant and obfuscatory fog. I personally believe that the mountain represents an overcome trial, and the fog represents our uncertain futures. The steps we take to get through the fog of our futures make the difference to our journey through life. This European art history study abroad is my next step, and guided by passionate professors, it will make my long sought after dream come true." - My study abroad application.
So. Guess what?? THIS DREAM IS GOING TO COME TRUE. I got into the program!!! I am so stinking excited I have just been beaming from ear to ear since I found out yesterday. I was in my sisters house, all alone cleaning, when I read the email. I jumped up and down, shed some tears, screamed and laughed and smiled and smiled... then I called my mom and told everyone in my family. I wish that i could leave tomorrow to go see the sights I have literally been dreaming about for years. It starts April 26 and I leave for Europe May 12 - June 13. I will be spending my 21st birthday in ITALY. Sounds pretty freaking good to me.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Take me to a place Far Far away...
Today, I'd rather be anywhere but where I am (in the library). Maybe here for example. Yeah, I think that would be good.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Some Comforting words
In comforting the Prophet in Liberty Jail, our Lord reminded Joseph Smith that “the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee. . . .
“[But] The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?” ( D&C 122:7, 8 .)
As you ponder what you have had to endure, and contemplate the times when “in the least degree” you suffered the pangs of spiritual loss, remember and reverence Him whom you have covenanted to remember always.
As I was reading my student manual today, I came across this passage, and just was very touched by the words. The last month I have grown close to my Savior, closer maybe than ever before. When i pray i feel of the peace that the atonement can bring. I know that no matter what, I am never alone. I feel instantly better when i think of the Savior and pray to my father in heaven for comfort. I am so grateful for the Atonement.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Good Ole Henry
So yesterday, the Harry Potter 7 movie came out. OH my lanta... that is a fantastic movie. I really love the books too, and they just make me so happy. I highly suggest watching the movie, even if you have not seen the movies previous, or read the books, it is just an all around good movie. Here is why...
1.) The characters are believable. Just like JK Rowling actually wrote them to be. It was so fun to watch the romances, the sadness, the love, the friendship between everyone and Harry potter.
2.) My friend Adam and I analyzed it, and we decided the JK was trying to get her point across that there should not be segregation or discrimination in the world, because that just stems from evil.
3.) It was intriging and captivating the whole time.
4.) Everyone had a good time acting, and all cornyness was pretty much gone.
5.) IT STAYED true to the book. YAY!
Aside from a weird scene with two ghost images making out (pretty much naked... weird.) the movie was fantastic. I'm going to go see it again.
Also, yesterday I went to the Jazz vs. Spurs game at the ESA and it was so much fun! Whitney and I really had a good time and it was fun just to hang out with her, especially at one of my favorite places in all the world, a Jazz game. They unfortunately lost, but won tonight to make up for it. I guess that this year, they are a good away team, and not as good at home games. We'll see how the rest of the season shapes up. BUt that was my awesome weekend!!! Also, Go cougs... looks like we took all the winning skills of the Utes... :)
1.) The characters are believable. Just like JK Rowling actually wrote them to be. It was so fun to watch the romances, the sadness, the love, the friendship between everyone and Harry potter.
2.) My friend Adam and I analyzed it, and we decided the JK was trying to get her point across that there should not be segregation or discrimination in the world, because that just stems from evil.
3.) It was intriging and captivating the whole time.
4.) Everyone had a good time acting, and all cornyness was pretty much gone.
5.) IT STAYED true to the book. YAY!
Aside from a weird scene with two ghost images making out (pretty much naked... weird.) the movie was fantastic. I'm going to go see it again.
Also, yesterday I went to the Jazz vs. Spurs game at the ESA and it was so much fun! Whitney and I really had a good time and it was fun just to hang out with her, especially at one of my favorite places in all the world, a Jazz game. They unfortunately lost, but won tonight to make up for it. I guess that this year, they are a good away team, and not as good at home games. We'll see how the rest of the season shapes up. BUt that was my awesome weekend!!! Also, Go cougs... looks like we took all the winning skills of the Utes... :)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
My Own Worst Enemy
I have come to the conclusion that I am my own worst enemy. One day I am so hard on myself, and expect so much of the world, my surroundings, people I associate with etc, and then the next thing I know I am not pushing myself hard enough to be better and am not kind to the people I talk to or whatever it may be.
This week we got an assignment in my New Testament class to pray for opportunities to help people, be it in big or small ways. I got my oil changed on monday and as I was leaving the Jiffy Lube, I saw this cute as ever girl that I know is in my ward walking home from Macey's (about a 1/2 mile from our complex) carrying groceries. I looked at her, and she at me, and then I got in my car and drove away. I SHOULD have offered her a ride back to home, where we both were going, but then I thought... I don't want to be a creeper and maybe she's enjoying the walk. Well, I've been kicking myself in the pants since monday about not doing helping her... when I had this assignment and everything anyways. How unfair was I being? And not Christ- like. See, I believe that God blesses you with experiences that make you think about who you are and what kind of person you want to become. Right then I decided I want to be more of a person like my Savior, or the good samaritan. We've been reading all these quotes from the leaders of our church in that class about how people always need your help, even if it looks like they don't.
My parents are really good examples of this to me. They are always serving others, and giving of their time to others. I joke a lot with my mom about how often she goes out to lunch with her friends, but the reason she does it isn't because she wants the food, but because she knows that these friends of hers need her. She would do anything for anyone. And so would my dad. On monday, I had a lot of financial things happen with my life, and a lot of them my dad usually pays for, so I asked him for all this money at once, told him it really wasn't a big deal (because it wasn't) and that he could just get me the money in a few weeks (when my card needs to be paid off). He put the money in my account not even an hour after I addressed him. See, even though that is a monitary thing, it shows his love for me. And I appreciate him so much. I am so grateful for all that my parents do. They are the best! And such great examples of Christ. I want to be just like them, and am working every day to be that way.
This week we got an assignment in my New Testament class to pray for opportunities to help people, be it in big or small ways. I got my oil changed on monday and as I was leaving the Jiffy Lube, I saw this cute as ever girl that I know is in my ward walking home from Macey's (about a 1/2 mile from our complex) carrying groceries. I looked at her, and she at me, and then I got in my car and drove away. I SHOULD have offered her a ride back to home, where we both were going, but then I thought... I don't want to be a creeper and maybe she's enjoying the walk. Well, I've been kicking myself in the pants since monday about not doing helping her... when I had this assignment and everything anyways. How unfair was I being? And not Christ- like. See, I believe that God blesses you with experiences that make you think about who you are and what kind of person you want to become. Right then I decided I want to be more of a person like my Savior, or the good samaritan. We've been reading all these quotes from the leaders of our church in that class about how people always need your help, even if it looks like they don't.
Okay Incriminating picture of all of us.. but it is Hawaii in the background. :)
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