SNOW TIMES

The official first snow of the season is today! It just put me in the best mood! Happy whiteness. You are a gift from God for me today to make me feel better. Love you!!

Fighting off satan

Why is it that when life is going so well, bam. Satan gets you. I experience this all to often. I'll be doing well and feeling like things are positive, and then my mind starts to wander and my esteem starts to fail. Thoughts like 'You're not doing enough, you don't deserve to be here, you're not smart enough, you aren't as funny as her, he'll never like you, just give up on lacrosse... you don't get respect from it anyway... etc' enter my mind, and I feel useless. These are only a few of the thoughts that I've been experiencing. Sometimes, i just want to hide away from the world.

This last weekend, Brandi and I went down to St. George to run the Snow Canyon half marathon. I was lucky enough to have my cute mom and Whitney drive with me down there and then come home with me straight after the race for the 'so you think you can dance' concert. I was on a weekend high from running the race, accomplishing something that I wanted to do for myself, and something that made me a little bit different. It was a way to connect with my good buddy, and do something that I love and am passionate about. I am very grateful to have had this experience, but that high has faded, and I am just back to Provo life. It's a hard atmosphere to be in. I feel like there is so much social pressure to be 'perfect' in every aspect. I am human, and I DEFINITELY make mistakes. It sometimes seems as if no one else does.

The interesting thing about all of this is that today Elder Huntsman gave a devotional talk and inside of it he said, "There is no education like adversity. God did not put us here to fail. Stay true in the dark, and humble in the light. Between you and the Lord, you can accomplish your dreams." Isn't it interesting how every time you feel like nothing's going your way, our Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ save you... through words, actions of others, or just simple random conversations that they purposely put in your way. It's always the little things, you just have to be looking for them...

And then... your dreams do not seem out of reach,

but Possible.

Special Guest Post

Dear Kelsey,

I hacked onto your blog, es for fun.

You are the best of friend I could have asked for! I see you everyday-we work together, we work out together, we sleep together (yes), we cook together, we eat together, we study together...and you still don't get on my nerves. Dude, this is love.

It's like we're married or something! Jk....

soon enough we're both going to be getting married to boys for real and our routine won't be with eachother, sad to think about, but I hope you know that, shawty, you da best.

Thanks for putting up with me, and letting me put my used tissues on your couch (right now) and for taking care of me while I'm sick.

Love you long tiiime!!

-whitney friend

dont delete this kels, i have blackmail. muahahhaa

An apple

All it took today for me to get out of my sad no-man state was to hear a man eat an apple (and secretly I watched him) and now I am cured of wanting a man. Yuck. Boys are discusting.

It seems like life happens in cycles... cycles of good, bad, okay, really bad, awesome, etc. So far this year I've experienced more of these highs and lows then ever before in my life. I've blogged about most of them, so I won't go into detail, but in essence, it's been a growing and especially challenging time. I've delt with sickness, injury, acute loneliness, service and work opportunities I've always wanted to have, love, strengthening of friendships, and loosing loved ones. In each instance as I look back, I can see how fragile and blessed those times were. They have all added quality to my life, and made me expand outside of myself to help others.

Three days ago my Cousin passed way. It was a very unexpected occurance, and my thoughts and prayers go out to my Clayton family who in 2 months have had to deal with the passing of 2 dear loved ones. I've been reminded again and again this year about the fraglity of life.

While I was in the hospital working, I would go into rooms where the patrons would be literally on their death beds. (Alta View is known as a very geriatric hospital). My job was seemingly unimportant in the grand scale of things, but I felt like I would make bonds with these patients who stayed for weeks at a time just by providing for them stability in when they were getting their meals and a different friend to talk to. These lives were so precious. I learned a lot about what adds substance to a person's life. I would always feel so bad for the people who hardly had visitors, and feel peace about the patrons who's families would visit often, or sometimes never even leave.

I know that no one ever wants to experience pain, or face the dark and hard times. It seems that the world could not get worse, but yet, somehow it does. What defines us is how we deal with these hardships. We always beg the question, 'why me? why now?' but we will not find the answer alone. What brings me the most comfort and what I believe to be the best hope we have in this life, is that God is in Everything.

Ode to the Mates.

Okay, so I just have to take this time and say 3 paragraphs about my roommates. I want everyone I love to know them, because it's them that have made the difference to me so far this school year.

First off, HANNAH

Hannah is an absolute joy. From the first day I met her I have only felt loved. She's so easy to talk to and never says mean things about people. She has the best southern accent I've ever heard, and she loves to eat as much as me! She is a graceful and beautiful dancer in BYU's ballet company and she can make jokes out of anything. She also has the most contagious laugh. I love to talk to Hannah about my day because she acts genuinely interested in the going-ons of my life. I believe Hannah to be one of the prettiest girls I've met. I wish that I could put it into words better, but she just is the bomb. I am so so lucky to have the opportunity to live with her. What a doll.

Kelly is such a crack up! She has the most interesting life of any of us in that she has 5 sisters who all have their own unique story and every day we hear something new which is wonderful. She also can make a funny joke out of anything that is said, and seems to have all the right words to say when you need to hear them. She is so good about cooking and cleaning and she never complains about the house but just does what is needed. She has such a natural beauty and a very loving personality. I admire her so much for her spiritual strength and her inner child. I'm so glad that I have the opportunity to learn from Kel. She teaches me how to be better every day.

Whitney is my busom buddy. If you didn't believe in them before, you better start being a believer. I am the luckiest girl to be living with her as not only my roommate but as one of my best friends. I don't think that anyone could be as kind as she is to me, as good at putting up with my bad and annoying habits and as patient with my crazy living patterns. She is a saint. Whitney has a unique talent of uplifting anyone who is having a bad day. She is a fighter like non I've ever seen before. She is intelligent and hard working and never lets what people say or think stop her. She's more in-tune with peoples emotions then anyone i've ever met, and is absolutely hilarious. I know that our Father in Heaven loves her as one of his elect daughters. She has so much love in her heart for people and will make the best nurse in the world. Her great attitude is addicting. I believe her to be my saving angel. I love her to the eternities.

I wish that I could let you all experience a day in the life of apartment 10. We are nuts, but we've had some tender moments and our apartment is full of peace. I want to thank you for making the difference to me. I could not survive alone. I never thought I could love school and provo like I do now. It's like what I always imagined. Thanks for accepting me into your lives. You have blessed mine so much.

Now lets be clear, I love you all! but my roommates just deserved a little shout out tonight as I am feeling humbled to be in their presence and so blessed.

All my love to all of you who read this and who have helped me grow. I would be nothing without the love and support of all those whom I know. You are all the best!!!

'it's the tops!'

It's the most wonderful time of the year

NOPE

It's hammer time.

Just kiddin!

It's conference time! It's the best time of the year for me. I seriously love it as much as Christmas! I think that it is awesome that we have the opportunity to be educated by Gods direct servants! It's the best thing ever. I am just so so excited. What a deal.

Thanks to all of you who do read this!

I know that I have followers, but sometimes it's nice to ask the questions so you can get the answers. I've been so so busy lately. It's quite retarded really. I feel like for the first time in my life, that I have no extra time for anything, and wish that I could have more hours in the day! I feel as if I'm not even myself most the time anymore. But, don't you worry friends and family. I have awesome friends... and family... and roommates and of course! I have the lord and his infinite atonement. If I could sum up the last month of my life in school and busy with things etc. i would say that it has been amazing. I've learned so so much already! I can't believe that it's almost october, and already so cold outside. It makes me so sad that summer weather is leaving us and that there will soon be snow! But, that also means more time for hot chocolate and movies and talking with good buddies. Hopefully this will also mean more time for LOVE! for me... cuz I'm lacking in that department yet again. :) Well this is a random post and i'm sory it doesn't stand up to most my others, but that's my life for now. We won our lacrosse tournament in Colorado this last weekend, I took an asian humanities test, and tomorrow I have to take my anatomy test... so... I'm SUPER busy with life, but i'm loving it. And... Don't forget the BEST time of the year is coming up this weekend. General conference time! It's seriously my favorite time of the year. It's so relaxing and amazing to hear all of those men preach words from our fahter in heaven and his son jesus christ. Love it! Okay bye.