Twenty Days

   Well my friends, it's been twenty days since I've blogged... want to know why?  I've not done too much since then... 

  Exciting things that have happened? 

     1.) I ran a ten mile race on the 13th... that was really fun!  I decided the week before that I would do it... and I totally didn't train for it... and my body I swear is still sore... ha!  It was so fun though and it was really good to get me doing a good work out.  I have been super lazy lately... but it's weird cuz I feel like my anemia or something is coming back cuz I'm so tired all the time... lets hope that's not the case! 

      2.)  I went boating with my buddies last friday and it was really fun to get together with my high school friends and be out in the sunshine on a lake!  I miss boating and friends.  It was a good day... 

     3.) I played in a lacrosse tournament thing with my BYU team this last weekend (same day as I went boating and that next day... saturday)  

    - It was so so good to see all my teammates again.  I miss seeing them and playing with them and laughing with (at) them... :)  

    4.) Danielle gave my number to a random boy in her ward to text me and we have been communicating by texting the last few days... Needless to say that's sad that that's a improvement in my life... ha! 

That's really about it.  I'm working at Alta View and finished my swimming lessons for the summer this week (today) except for my sister Kim's kids. My alta view job is going to change to a ten hour shift three times a week so I will hate life pretty much... I'm so not excited!  I've been totally off my game with exercising and sadly that's throwing off my whole life! 

 We switched to AT&T two weeks ago so now I am sportin the blackberry pearl... pink flava.  It's cute and I like how awesome the texting and internet stuff is on it.... but i do miss verizon cuz all my buds were on that network. (cept whit... seriously it was crazy pants)  

   I have been missing church, gaining weight (I swear... it's RE-DICK-A-LOUS) and missing my friends being around me.  I am glad to have everyone be home again and to have SYTYCD on during the summer cuz that makes me happy.  

  I guess that I'm just at that weird summer stage where I'm trying to be good about things, but sadly the summer I was hoping for is not working out.  I am going to start going to institute next week and I will also be better about making time for the lord and the gospel.  I know that this will bring me great happiness and I need to be better about it.  

It's kinda like I'm starting over for the fourth time this summer.  Middle school, High school, college, and now whatever this place is that I'm entering... where my guy friends are ALL gone, my girlfriends are moved away for the summer (not all of them... but most it seems...) people I've grown up with are getting married and having babies, and my family and I are just getting through the days trying to stay positive.  

Life really is good.  And I'm so lucky to be healthy, active, have a strong healthy family, have education and the gospel, have the advances of technology to keep me easily in contact with my friends, and have my parents taking care of me practically this summer.  I need to keep these things in mind instead of the stupid things that seem to ALWAYS be on my mind.  

Blast being a woman. ;) 

Love... Is not an easy thing... (song.)

Nuf Said. 

   We should all have a guide to love.  This is what it is... this is what it isn't... this is what I want it to be... but blah blah blah.  I need a road map.  Here you'll find a mistake of a guy that will make you learn what you need in your last find... prince charming.  I'm 19 and it's summer and I'm finally starting to feel that loneliness of not having been interested in a guy for a year... yeah... I'm rediculous.  Writing this all out on my blog is a desperate cry for help.  but... I would like some. HAHA.... anyways. I am only 19 though.  I have so so so so much more living to do. :)

Nuf Said. 

O that time of the year.

                        Congrats. Summer is here. 

    Reasons I feel this way... 

1. Swimming lessons started for me this week.  That's how I know it is the time of year for pools and children and fun. O the joys. :)

2. SUNBURNED body. I couldn't sleep last night on my back because it was so reddened from the sun.  

3. I'm working out outside instead of at the gym. I LOVE THE WARMNESS OF 8 IN THE MORNING. Perfect running weather. 

4. There are children and teenagers wherever I go. This one I don't love so much. 

5. I can go to bed whenever I want to and pretty much wake up whenever I want to before 9 because that's when I teach lessons ha ha ha. Last night I went to be at 10:30... I haven't done that since I ran a 10k last summer. It felt good. 

6. It's race time. I ran a family 5k with my family this last weekend.  It was like a celebration for my birthday and all the fam. came to be with me. It was wonderful and I think everyone had a good time.  I have 3 more races before school starts and I'm so excited! 

7. My birthday just happened on sunday. It was so great, thanks to everyone who made me feel special. 

8. My family just seems to be more happy and willing to do things. It's so wonderful. 

                   (this picture is titled kelsey playing in the sun.)

9. My nephews are taking swimming so it seems like they like me better in the summer... weird eh? 

10. My friends are getting married. engaged. whatever. So Weird but summer does make people fall in love. 

     ~Except it seems me. ha ha ha ha... just kiddin. 

Kansas City... here I come.

   Man o man, I bought my first plane ticket somewhere on my own with my own money.  How crazy pants am I?  I feel like I'm growing up!  I'm doing things on my own and I'm so excited to spend some time with my friend and learn as much about her town and state as she knows about mine... Thanks Whit!  This is going to be such a fun time. :)   

A blog post to no one, but always in my thoughts.

   I am in constant pursual of something EVERY day, and I work so hard to accomplish this goal, but I seem to never make progress.  I feel like I should just give up.  Each time I try and don't succeed a tinsey part of me dies.  Small fragments of this high hope and aspiration fall uncared for to the ground, trampled upon by the ugly feet of life.  I wonder how much I have left in me. Should I give up and just let fate take over?  Hope is a tricky thing.  It's glorious, and wonderful to hang on to, but it is also hard.  My hopes are so large they will take time to accomplish but I want them all to happen to me instantly.  It's hard to put in the work, and not see the results.  'I need some help some inspiration'.  I know that there is hope in Jesus Christ.  That all things are made possible by and through him.  I also know that everything happens according to God's time, but it's always hard to understand that when loneliness takes over.  I can't do it alone, and I need friends and family around me.  I am independent and okay on my own, but I'm so so much better when I have loved ones by my side.  I guess in a nut-shell I'm pleading with myself and others to be aware of ways to improve and to help lives. It's never going to hurt to say hello, or compliment someone for little things they think go unnoticed.  It's also a great to acknowledge when someone has done a good job on something but be sincere about it.  But most of all, it's important to be people's Friends... through good, bad, ugly, and hard.  That's why we're human, to care and lift and love.  

One reason I love Utah

Out of many reason I love living in utah is the activity that is possible here!  I was looking at what races i want to do this summer and seeing that there are so many different choices of places, times, prices, etc. within the 4 months of summer.  I have like 8 races that I want to do, but need to narrow those down to like 3 races... and... if paul will ever get back to me, do a triathalon... but... I don't think that's going to happen ;).  Anyway, I heart utah.... and running... and good springtime weather. 

The one you've been waiting for.

     It's time to blog about BYU - My first year of college is over. 

      What do I have to say about my experience?  It was a good one.  In talking to my mom the other day about everything under the sun and especially my life, I realized that the last year of school has been one of absolute learning.  There were a few good times like when Whitney and I made a random wal-mart run, or when brandi and I exercised at 11:01 in the parking lot so that I wouldn't get my car booted, and when I went on various trips with my lacrosse friends or whitney would come to my house for sunday dinner, watching Jazz games no matter what pressing matters I had to do that night for school the next day, wasting time with Whitney while we worked, enjoying all of my roommates drama that I never had etc... but overall, it was hard. 

     It was hard to live in a room with a girl who had PT (personal training for ROTC) every morning at 5:45, and sometimes combinations of smells were not at all pleasant to live with (some having been caused by me I'm sure)... and coming home every night from school to the lights being off and her sleeping so I'd have to be super quiet etc.  But... what did I learn from this? 

*If this is all the problems you ever had with your roommate, you're super lucky, and look at it as more of a blessing. 

     School was always hard for me, from day one.  I struggled getting into BYU, and the struggle for greatness in school has not ceased.  First semester I had to learn how to deal with disappointment after disappointment with test grades.  It felt like everyone around me was doing better then I was and that for sure I wouldn't make it through the year.  But I held on, and learned SO much from my classes, especially the ones I loved like women's studies, nutrition, and aerobics. I had to learn that as long as I was trying my hardest in everything I did in school, somehow I would end out okay.  It helped me to prepare for a much more stressful semester in the winter.  

*Leaning on heavenly father for comfort is always okay.  He's never gone.  As Elder Benson (I believe) said many times, often God answers prayers through other people.  God answered my prayers by giving me strong support systems in my family and friends and the opportunity to find a best friend on my floor who became like a sister to me through both of our struggles this year, and also my brother who was there for me every day, and I was there for him.

All my friends had boyfriends, and I hardly even dated this year.  That is just the story of my life.  You'd think I'd not let it get to me anymore, but it's harder when you've felt lonely for a long time and you see everyone around you happy in their relationships.  But I've learned so much from observing them and helping them to get through trials in their relationships. 

*My last post on love shows you what I've learned there.  I've had time to find myself again, to be confident in my abilities and to learn more what I want for my future.

     Dealing with life's changes is hard. Me having to live with the reality of what I am and who I am every day has been hard.  I seemed to have lost my identity in the maze of over achieving driven kids that is BYU.  I had to remember who I was and what made me unique, and I would go to bed every night questioning what the purpose was for me putting myself through all the hard times.  I've hopefully figured it out now, and will be better next year about what I do with my days and befriending people. 

    Lacrosse was a huge highlight for me this year.  I believe that without it I would not have come back for semester #2 at BYU.  I think I would have moved out and gone to the U where people seem not to be so judgmental etc.  Lacrosse was a perfect outlet for me, and a great way to meet friends.  I learned how to improve every day my performance because I never knew what the coach is going to do, or what kind of respect I could get from teammates. 

*This should be a lesson for life. We should always improve ourselves every day because our father in heaven will give us blessings, and others will see the changes and give us respect for making those changes. 

     The last life lesson that I learned from my first year of college was that it is okay to rely on people for help.  It's okay to be sad, we all are sad lots of times in our lives.  I have always tried to be a positive person.  I try not to be dramatic or dwell on the negative things, but sometimes that gets hard and life gets you down.  I had to learn that that was okay, and that a good cry every now and then is cathartic.  I learned that people are always willing to listen if you give them the chance, especially people who love you like my mom who was ALWAYS there for me when I would go through a hard time or Kyle, who would give me encouragement or advice when I was feeling down.  It's okay also to rely on your faith to get through trials and struggles.  We are not yet as Job, and we must remember that God carries us through our hard times.  

Thanks for being there as a support to me through reading my blog this past year.  My blog has been the best thing for me to keep as sort of a journal/way to express my feelings and my insights.  Loves. :) 

P.S.  This summer I will be a running machine (hence the picture) I tell you what, and I'm going to do weight watchers... any tips from past 'Weight Watchers' that I should know? :)  

Jenn and me after our 1/2 marathon last august. 

DONE!!!

YAY!